...from reading other stories, our lost lambs often re-invent themselves in odd ways.
I totally get this. I went through/am going through a similar process. And I think lots of us have here.
Funny how in many ways our journeys as LBS mirror those of WAS/WS...minus the cheating of course. But the other aspects, and just on a sort of time lag from the WAS/WS.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
.Also, I understand that it is "very" common for new relationships, especially those that don't have a strong foundation to have a baby to bind them together. Whether that actually works or not is a subject for debate.
So here's a thing...XH and OW were 'good friends' (in my book having some sort of EA/PA) for three years before XH left in October 2015.
Plus, pretty much one of the only things she ever said to me was when they were all about to start work one evening, and I was there too. There were a few of us (XH's work colleagues) all standing around, and somehow the topic of children came up. I remember her saying that she wanted to have 'lots and lots' of children. And the feeling I had was of being stabbed in the stomach. I knew that comment had been directed at me. I remember it like it was yesterday, it was such a strong feeling and so vivid.
That was in July 2013. So I reckon they'd been talking about these things.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Can they, and do they fundamentally change who they are? Personally I doubt it. What does change though is how we see them from the perspective of distance and time. Also, many of our former partners have worn masks of a sort to be attractive to others.
I think we all do, in all honesty. And I agree with you about changing how we see people.
The thing that I think a lot of us found painful was the whole 'relationship rewrite' that the WAS/WS does. But we get to do the relationship rewrite as well I've come to understand. It just happens later, after theirs.
I tried to make mine as fair to both (all) parties as I could. Tried to see it from as many perspectives as I could. But perhaps that's not the best thing? Perhaps I should follow my own path more, to honour my own feelings more?
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Is the doting father the real him? You'll never know. And at this point, it doesn't matter.
Enjoy your new life and try to only look forward. I know it's hard.
Originally Posted by JujuB
Agree with andrew. It doesnt matter. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe she was dishonest with him about birth control. Who knows.
I have a feeling he was desperate for one. He'd never talked about it with me (maybe he thought I could mind read him?) and I think he talked about it with her, as part of the whole 'I'm so unhappy, my wife doesn't understand me' thing.
And that was part of the attraction between them, he thought he'd found his 'soul mate'. And she was flattered and dazzled by his attention (older, very successful, married man).
Originally Posted by JujuB
I would be willing to place money on the notion that having a newborn in their life is not going to bind them together. Not one bit. Nothing harder on an alcoholic then the demands of a newborn or toddler or preschooler. Bound to be lots of resentment and fights.
Not that it matters.
Well, their EA/PA started and flourished in *the most* unrealistic of circumstances. Incredibly successful world tour, where they stayed in luxury accommodation, had absolutely nothing that was everyday and humdrum to worry about. Travel and tickets? All sorted. Transport from the airport to whatever city centre hotel/apartment they were staying in? The driver was there, waiting for them. Press coverage? Yup. TV and radio interviews? Yup. No bills to worry about, no housework, no cooking, no washing.
All they had to worry about was the actual work itself, deciding what restaurant to eat in and what bar to drink in. And earning quite a lot of money in the process.
I've had a couple of days to think since I posted, and read your answers. And I guess what's actually behind what I was writing about was my thought that XH would somehow morph into the perfect partner/husband/father after having left.
Meaning that I had somehow held him back in some way for all those years we were M, caused him stress and ultimately caused his drinking and disrespectful behaviour. That I was responsible for it all.
The rational part of my brain says that it doesn't feel like my burden to carry. It also feels like a huge effort to keep pushing that feeling of guilt/responsibility back from me. But keep pushing it back I must.
