TF, LH made some great points but I just wanted to extend a congrats your way. The way you handled things this weekend was a huge improvement over last. Keep up the good work and don’t beat yourself up over slip ups.
Just wanted to touch on something that has helped me greatly with GAL and getting past the mindset that “there will be no OW, all I want is you”. I was stuck in this mindset for a while, still am to some extent. My IC gave me a suggestion that has helped me out immensely. This is going to be a highly contested post on this board but the suggestion was go out and date. Now before everyone hangs me let me clarify, not date in a romantic way by any means but date in a friendship way. One thing that has to be clear when you go out on these dates is that you express your intentions to the other person from the get go. Express to them that you are looking to meet new friends. That you are in no way looking for anything romantic. Tell them a bit about what is going on at home. If they accept but later indicate they want more, end communication with them. As long as your intentions are clear an you tell them the truth I don’t see anything wrong with dating in this manner. I was hesitant myself to do this this but figured I had nothing to loose so gave it a try. It has helped with my confidence and feeling like the man I was at the beginning of my marriage in ways I cant put to words. I have met some great friends in only a couple of weeks. It has helped me detach and has put into perspective what I am actually dealing with. It has shown me that there are a lot of very nice, genuine, successful women out there. There are a ton of women out there that do not care about my snitch at all, they appreciate my honesty and a lot of them are really just looking to meet friends like myself.
Again I realize that this may be frowned upon on here but I could be reading into it too much. I guess perhaps ou wouldn’t call it dating at all rather making new friends of the opposite sex. None the less it is helpful if you can set boundaries with the other person at the get go, maintain them, and for the love of god DO NOT LET IT TURN ROMANTIC.
