Wow what a rollercoaster this last month has been for you. I love your honesty and openness about your feelings in all of this.
There are some items that jumped out at me as I caught up on your thread. Detachment is one of them.
Yes, you need to detach. I do like your desire to do detach in a heathy manner with love and hope of reconciliation. However, the idea that to really detach you may need to dislike him for a period of time, in my opinion, is incorrect.
Detachment is when his actions or emotions will not influence your emotional state of being. You would be detached from him. The feelings of dislike, or even greater, hate - are as passionate as love, and not the path to detachment. All feelings good or bad will keep you attached to H.
I have wrote about detachment, letting go, hope vs expectations, addiction and withdrawl from our spouse, forgiveness, acceptance, and so on, hmmm I’ve wrote a bit. Not sure if you have read my threads or not, and I’m not promoting anything, just offering a view that worked for me.
The following link is from somewhere in the middle of my journey. It is not the only time I spoke about detachment, it was a kind of turning point though. I hope you find it helpful.
