Hope, I may be completely off the grid here, but I wonder about your self esteem. Why did you settle for a dating relationship.....and even living with him.....where it had to be "hidden"? Then after he changed jobs, it took another year of not hiding it, before he proposed? Are you really saying you never considered M previously?
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I don't know how long the emotional affair was before I found out. He is now openly seeing the OW and displays not guilt or remorse.
Doesn't this make you angry, considering how you kept your own relationship a secret? Don't you feel you deserve better than him? You describe yourself as "old", and I just get this gut feeling you think you can do no better or be happy without him. Nothing makes a gal look more pathetic than to be desperate for a man. So, find your spunk and get a life without him. Don't let him determine your happiness. ((hugs))
Have you ever been in a long term romantic relationship with anyone other than your H?
Which of you kept the MR nourished the most? Were you the one who tried to take care of his needs, or was it the other way around?
I am so sorry for your pain. Unfortunately, relatives cannot help you. You need lots of encouragement to believe in yourself as a woman. I suggest that you try to find a woman's support group. Just being in a group of women encouraging each other can make you feel better. As for him, he is going to do whatever feels good at the moment. The best way to address this situation is to set him free. I'm not saying you must divorce. I'm saying to take your focus off him, and put it on yourself. Fill up your life with positive people and positive activities.
Don't ask others about him, and don't contact him. This would be seen as emotional pressure by him. Will it make him divorce you? No more than you contacting him would.
This may not be what you were seeking when you joined the board, but I'm telling you that the best way to draw him back (if that's what you really want) is to set him free and be happy. When you start focusing on looking better and feeling better about yourself...….it's does more than any advice we could give.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
