I think you are and I are at a similar place in our 'journey' I too have days where I struggle to be bothered to put one foot in front of the other and days where I'm ready to take control and sort this out once and for all. I think it's a natural reaction. I've decided that for me it is too soon to make monumental decisions and so I only make the ones that have to be made. I will have to sell the house, but we needed to downsize anyway. I won't be filing for divorce because I'm not ready.
I still have hope, the tiniest tiniest glimmer that things might work out. But more importantly I'm giving myself time to come to terms with a huge change after 27 years of marriage. I refuse to let him hurry me and I refuse to hurry myself.
I am certain that I will know when all hope has gone and am ready to divorce, so I just give myself the luxury of time.
You've just found out another upsetting part to your story. It's too soon to act on it. Give yourself time to absorb and process it rather than react to it. Eventually, I think our days when we feel crazy and manic will become fewer and fewer and that shows strength and healing.
