Thank you, thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write such amazing responses to my post. That was so what I needed to hear right now and I know I will be reading them over and over in the coming days. I am feeling much better after a good night’s sleep alhough I forgot about the time change last night so set my alarm an hour earlier than I needed. Probably could have used that extra hour. I went to bed last night telling myself that, realistically, nothing has changed. Knowing my H said the D word to his daughter was difficult but I also know there is no way he would say it to our younger kids. I agree with you FS about telling people this so he doesn’t look like a a$$. I also think he was trying the idea on for size and saying it outloud to someone probably feels like it puts him one step closer. I actually don’t think he really knows what he wants which is why he hasn’t said it to me despite having many, many opportunities to do so.
My H and his D don’t have the typical father-daughter relationship. He came into her life when she was seven and it is only in the last few years that she has gotten closer to him. Of course, this situation has probably set them back a bit since now she thinks he is an idiot and she also knows that he lies. She’s had some struggles in her life with lying and feels like maybe it is a gene that he has passed on to her. Anyway...this may have been his misguided attempt at bonding with her as she was calling him about a recent break-up. He obviously didn’t think what it would be like for her to hear that from him especially since that is not what she would hear from me. But my H doesn’t think of these things. He also doesn’t realize that as much as their relationship has improved, she has always felt closer to me. She calls me her rock. I am the one person in her life that she feels like she can come to with anything and I will support her and help her figure things out. She thinks of her dad as a “typical guy” and not someone she can necessarily rely on even though she wants to. She talked to me about this last night because she didn’t want me to have my hopes up but also, I think, she is worried what divorce would mean for her relationship with me. I told her, no matter what, she is always a part of my family and will always have me in her life and a place in my home. My home. This was supposed to be OUR forever home but I need to stop calling it that. He is not here and it looks like he won’t be for a very long time - if ever. Time to get used to the idea and get my head out of the sand.
I’ve been thinking of ways to detach. Thanks Yorkie for your suggestions on stay-at-home GAL activities. I am definitely going to be looking into some of those options. I am also going to take advantage of some of the Over 40 Women’t s meetup group events. So far, a lot of them take place during the day when I am working or on days I play pool but there are some that might work out. The week after next I am playing in a five-day tournament so H will be parenting for five days straight. Hopefully my MIL won’t help him out too much.
