Uncertain phase of MLC

[job]

I am glad you are seeing results w/going dim. Stay the course for now.

Before you dated, you were friends and that is where you need to start...back to square one. No expectations, listen and validate when she has something to say.

I, myself, wouldn't move out until the house is sold. Time for answers will come just before you sign the contract on the house. For now, I would continue to live in the house and treat her like a roommate.

I am glad to read that you are dressing nicer and hitting the gym. As you stated, these changes must remain a routine. Are there any other changes that you want to make? They have to be for you and not her. Also, when you go out, you do not have to tell her where you are going all of the time. Be mysterious for a bit. Her curiosity will eventually get the best of her and she will ask you.

As for snooping...nothing comes of it. In fact, it will make you feel terrible, angry and want to do something about it...as you are aware. I'm glad you've ceased this exercise.

180's can be difficult, but you can do some of them. Start out slow with the ILY's and be sure to thank her when she does something that you've been doing, i.e., dishes, etc.

I would back off on pushing for counseling. This is something that she needs to do herself and she's not ready to face the demons Set up counseling sessions for you. No ultimatums! If you do this, she will pick the one that is the easiest.

I know that this journey is frustrating, but you have to trust in the advice that you have been given. Give her space and time, no pressure of any kind, dig deeper for patience and remember....you didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. The marathon has just begun and it's going to take some time for both of you to heal.