Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Twofeet]

I was going to wait till Monday, but I just have to get things off my chest. This board helps me vent my emotions and process my thoughts.

Friday, work party went later than planned so after work I just went for groceries, went for a run, ate dinner and went to bed. Wife came home around midnight and the dogs woke me up. She didn't tell me what she was out doing, she told me about her taking the kids to my in-laws for the night. She almost slipped up and started to tell me what she was doing, but she quickly shut up. Doesn't matter, I don't ask anyway. When she comes out and tells me her plans its been the truth as far as I can tell. When she doesnt I assume the worst and hope for the best. If I linger on those negative thoughts too long I feel the anger rise and my fight or flight mechanism wanting to kick in, and I don't flight.

Saturday she wanted me to show her how to make pizza so I did. She would cook in the beginning of our marriage and it was mediocre, so I took over cooking duties because I have always been the better cook. She bakes, I cook. Anyway, she starts fishing for assets AGAIN! She says I am taking her for everything, I split out all the household goods to my favor without her. This is a lie, we discussed it all and I wrote it out then gave her the list for review which she never did. Anyway, I say I am sorry you feel this way, however we aren't going through this again, if you look at the list it should all be even and I paid you cash where it wasn't. I then listed of some items she was getting that she apparently did realize so it stopped that conversation, but she continued to pout. We ate lunch and she was asking about my mom and sis cause they called. I said they were out shopping. She says yuck I wouldn't want to go shopping with them, maybe your future relationship the OW can go with them. This is where I get unnerved and probably slip from DBing. I say I am not interested in any future R with OW. I say I had an R with you, it's all I wanted and look where it ended. I say I would appreciate it if you just keep those R with OW thoughts to yourself, I will be just fine.

Later I put the kids down for a nap/rest time and W went and napped instead of packing. Before napping she wanted to discuss Thanksgiving. She says D8 says I dont want you over for Thanksgiving. I said thats not what I am saying, I have explained that they are with mommy during Thanksgiving so its Mommys decision on what they are going to do. W says no just tell her you made your own plans and wont be coming. I said no that is a lie, you invited me, I accepted, you don't want me to go, otherwise I would go and I am not going to lie. I say it is your decision. She says oh so that's how it's going to be. I say well the harsh truth of saying you don't want to me to go is not right to tell her, but yes that's how it's going to be, I won't lie to them. It's your decision, and you get to make it. I left W so she could nap. During this time I took my smaller toolbox and filled it with tools she will need on her own. Later she went to her girls night out, she wanted to let me know she was DD, I said have fun call if you need anything.

That night after dinner with the kids D5 started crying out of the blue and was saying Daddy please don't get divorced, I dont want you to get divorced. I soothed her and just kept telling her I love her and I will always be here for her. So afterwards we had a PJ party and watched movies. W came home around 11 and was acting really shifty. She locked her purse up in her car. I was hauling a load of laundry when she did it and I said why did you lock your car in the garage. She said oops I don't know why I did it. I said that's weird, I shrugged then said okay. Then I kept going about my business with the laundry. Well she started following me and kept asking me if I was ok, is everything ok, etc. I said yeah I am ok why do you keeping asking me that, why are you being weird? She says are you okay because you are being weird. So I changed subject and asked if she had a good night. She says it was fun tells me a few things then goes into the bathroom. I later try to go in there to put away laundry because she has been in there for a long time. I say are you naked cause if not can I put the laundry away so I can go to bed. She says she needs her privacy. I say okay I can respect that. Later she goes to bed. Well she was hiding her car key in the bathroom. I don't know why, as I have a spare key. I am tempted to go snoop once she falls asleep. It may be nothing, it may be something. At this point I dont even know if it matters.