Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 2

[Turbine]

Hey there Turbine - I've not been following too closely but you are treading along a path that many of us have walked before you.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are dealing with things that are life-altering and largely out of your hands.

Don't expect anything much from her either the practical nor the emotional. Superficially you appear to be around where I was in June 2016 when I was whacked with so many 2X4s that I eventually built myself a virtual "Cabin in the Woods".

Don't be too hard on myself. Yeah, I probably am. Sometimes I give in too soon. Others I refuse to give up. I am in mode 2. I haven't seen enough 2x4s to frame in a cabin yet. Or maybe I have and being in mode 2 I am getting a nice big ol' stack of 'em.

You've heard this a bucket of times already I am sure but I'll repeat it. Focus on yourself and your own journey. Be the "sane parent" for your kids and grandkids. They are going to be confused and need you to be their lighthouse on the rock.

Kids are supportive, believe I can do better and short of a miracle, will have less and less to do with their mother. Not what I would like to have happen. Much of that has been long in the making and I accept my part in it. As for the grandkids... haven't made it an issue. The oldest two (granddaughters) would be most likely to understand (10,9) but they live in Buffalo NY. Their parents are divorced. The next two (grandsons) may or may not (8,6) fully get it. My wife butts heads with this daughter. They are cut from the same cloth and I'd say share a few common cut edges. This daughter is divorced as well. The baby... well she is a baby. No idea what is going on in her mind. Although it would be sort of cool to know. With no reference though.... be tough to sort out.

All of our children are willing to and have offered (bordering on insisting) that eventually I come live with them. Long term it is a great thought and I am very appreciative of it. Will it happen? Who knows.

Without detailed reading, it would appear that in some ways your story is similar to mine - heck pretty much all the stories here are the same in some way or another. Know that this isn't about you. Also know that at this point that there's not a darned thing you can do that will change her mind or swerve her from her course.

Please read and comment. I see the interest from the number of views but have missed the mother lode of knowledge here. I know I can get help here and a reality check. Like I said before; this Martian is asking for help with his Venusian. I do like that book. Much of that to be put to use after getting to MR 2.0 and definitely for me as 2.0

I'm sorry if that isn't something you are ready to hear at this point and yes - I could well be wrong.

As far as your wife goes, she isn't someone who can be trusted. She's probably up way past the eyeballs in lies and secrets, most of which you probably don't want to know. She's also, like so many, unlikely to do any of the adulting or heavy-lifting. She is being very very selfish right now.

Is she going through a MLC or whatnot? Difficult to say and irrelevant. You can't help her and she doesn't want your help. Will she come out the other side and look for you? Again, difficult to say and also still irrelevant. Many of us put our lives on hold waiting. Some for longer durations than others.

Good luck. This stuff is hard.

Ready to hear is and ready to accept it are not one and the same. Am I there on both counts. To be honest... probably not. Taking a poll here would probably support that. a poll on my progress... Hmmm... I think it would be seriously needed because I feel like I have made some progress. I don't have a good metric though and being hard on myself to different degrees makes me a poor judge of my own progress.

At best I am getting mixed signals from her. At this point these might as well be background noise. As you say the MLC or ??? really doesn't matter because. I am trying to move on with my life. Right now though for any foreseeable length of time I see it to be a lonesome trip. Supposed to be her there. In God's hands.

So my plan is to continue to work on me. Diet, exercise, GAL, work on the house, attend Church. My S asked me to help him and a friend with the friends car. Needs a battery and now its a teachable moment. This coming from a not a car guy. Thankfully I have access to a great resource in Ray. (I know there is this thing called the internet and google) Ray was my parents neighbor. Wealth of knowledge and all the tools to do the job. I helped him hand the patio door after he painted it. Yesterday we went and ran a few errands at the grocery store/pharmacy before going to lunch. Good stuff. FWIW we like the new lunch place but it still doesn't beat our favorite watering hole. Sort of like Cheer's, where everyone knows your name.

Went to bed last night after W left again. Working, because I have nothing to support anything else, and yes I am not happy about it. Can't do anything about it either so why bother. However this morning I woke up feeling not completely accepting of any of this but more a step away from completely fighting it. It isn't a on/off switch is it. More like a volume control or a stepped switch. So I am not at a hard stop on the end of it. Good? Bad? Just a sign of progress? IDK. Wish I did though.

So time to start my day. Run a few errands. Likely to spend the night with my D and S. So that means I will see my grandsons. They are always happy to see me. Go for a walk with my D and their dog. Looking forward to Veterans Day. Going to attend an luncheon with this D and then go Veteran's Day special crawling. Hooter's, Olive Garden, etc. The two of us did it last year and was fun. If the oldest were with us then it would be the three of us. Maybe someday.