I feel like a million bucks. I haven't had a bad day since last Monday. I had an epiphany on that day. I was talking to my cousin, who is like a sister to me. I told her that I had withdrawn from W and, to a lesser extent, the girls. She said "no, you withdrew from yourself." I realized she was right. I stopped doing the things that I liked to do. I lost connection with the people that I love. I stopped being me. I stopped growing. As difficult as this has been, I feel invigorated. I feel like I'm back to my old self, but a better version of the old me. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to stop sleepwalking through life. Deep down I know things are going to be alright. I'm becoming AMOAFWL.
Do I have hope? I don't have expectations that my W and I will reconcile, but I have hope that the woman in my next relationship will get a great version of me. I have hope that my life will be kick ass. The last few weekends with my girls gave me a sense of relief. I was fully invested. We had a great time. I know that my relationship with my girls will be top notch because I won't let it be anything other than that.
In some ways being apart made my sitch suck. The fact that we've had to fast track the divorce wasn't advantageous. However, it has allowed me to finally detach. The GAL, 180, detach was awesome advice. Not for getting my W back (although it's the only chance I had), but to allow me to get through this. I have always been pretty resilient, and I almost feel guilty that I'm doing so well emotionally, but there are plenty of positives to take from this. I've become awesome again. My relationship with my girls is better. I've reconnected with family and friends. I'm volunteering at least once/week. The divorce agreement was completely fair. I have a good support system. I have an awesome job that will allow me to travel a lot with my girls (and I'll have them most weekends). I'm in great shape. I'm cooking actual meals. I'm becoming self-reliant again.
GAL tonight is having an old friend over. GAL on Sunday will be going to another old friend's house to play board games. Unfortunately, tomorrow will be dedicated to cleaning the house ahead of a open house on Sunday.
