I have been listening to the song I posted above constantly. And all I can do is pity W. I do not know if I'm starting to see the signs her her WW life slowing down or not. At this point, there is nothing I can nor do I want to do.
I have a fantasy that someday I can have her listen to this song and lyrics, but that's all that it is...a fantasy.
W brought her mom back to our house (again) and she asked me if I wanted to sleep in her bed. I said "no" and she said "are you sure?" I said I was sure. Otherwise, she is trying to establish some small talk, but I have completely withdrawn otherwise. I keep thinking that I should respond, but then I just think of her cheating and what she has done and what she (probably) continues to do to me, so I stop. I have started noticing a change in her attitude however. But I do not, cannot, will not trust her until it's glaringly obvious that she is remorseful or is truly done. Out of my hands and in God's.
I think this is what true detachment feels like. I am now feeling it. I keep looking behind me, but I'm doing it less often.
No major GAL plans this weekend. I have chairs to dye and a trip to the city I need to make (photo shoot), but otherwise, should be pretty quiet, possibly Sunday evening. We'll see.
I have been praying everyday for this painful situation to be over. I hope that the day for that is coming. I keep feeling that once this year is over, I will start seeing some kind of turnaround. I don't know in what from that is going to take, but I do want to believe that I can start putting this painful part of my life behind me.
I feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time. I would love to feel only the hopeful part soon.
