I am not being pouty, being pouty would be an easy problem to fix.
Right, I do get that. I wasn't say you were, I was saying it -sounds- that way to others. This is one of the difficulties in DB'ing, much of it is trying to understand how someone else thinks and feels, it is about setting your own wants and needs aside and doing 180's to change their perception of you.
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Do I want W to hurt and suffer? I want her to face the consequences of her actions, I want her to quit running from her problems. I want these things, but I have no control of that happening.
She absolutely will face those consequences, there's no question. All I'm saying is you don't need to "help" her to that end. Just stay out of the way, she'll get there on her own! If you try to force it then it just makes you look bad to her and the kids. Let her wade through the mud on the low road while you cruise the nice, clean high road.
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I feel like for large parts of our MR when times get tough for her, be it work, life, etc. she just finds a reason to bail. She is a grass is greener person and she is chasing happiness, I just feel like none of her changes have made her happy and now she is pointing that gun at me.
Exactly. I can't remember what movie that was in but a killer was walking through shooting victims and he stopped at one guy and just stared, and then moved on. Later the victim was asked how he avoided getting shot and he said "I made myself invisible." That's what you need to do- make yourself invisible. Cease to be a factor to your W.
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This is her battle to fight not mine. It's just hard being a casualty and seeing the kids being a casualty.
Yes it is. So what can you do- you can be the best dad in the world to your kids. You can overcome this by smothering them with the kind of love only you can give them. Your W is showing them 10% love? Then you show them 190% to make up for it.
Originally Posted by RyanHun
Just my two cents on what to tell the kids. First of all if they don't ask I don't tell them anything. I know first hand how difficult it is night after night when you are putting them to sleep and they are asking where their mom is and why she is never around. I kept silent for a while but now tell them the truth. I tell them the truth not about the details of the situation but the truth about their Mom. It looks something like this: "Mom is going through a difficult time right now and is under a lot of stress. Mom and Dad both love you very much and will always be here if you need anything".
