Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

W texted asking me to pick up her antidepressant prescription and bring it to her when I drop off son on Monday. I believe we call that a temp check around here. Or is it just naive entitlement, cake-eating? I replied saying she'd have to make other arrangements.

I have been worried about her more lately though. Maybe starting with her telling me her mental health would suffer if she negotiated with me in person. Then son saying "I just want mom to be happy" before going back with her this week. He was excited to share his Halloween candy with her. W was in IC, but I think she stopped going. Still taking meds for depression. Had an uncle (one of 16 siblings) who killed himself. Divorce makes suicide risk higher. A guy in my running group told me yesterday he had a girlfriend who killed herself two years after they broke up, she had a son (not his, and I didn't inquire anything about the relationship or its ending).

In 2016 W told me she tried to kill herself by banging her head on the couch while home alone with son. I was scared to leave her alone then. That was probably around when I first heard ILYBINILWY, and "I don't think I want to be married anymore." When we went on Retrouvaille March 2017 I shared how scared I felt then, and W's heart softened. We hugged, I cried, she promised I would never have to worry about her like that again. That R only lasted about a month. After W started an affair, she fell into suicidal depression and was hospitalized for it. So I guess she's technically "in treatment" since she's on meds and scheduled for a follow-up for that, but I don't know if she's in counseling anymore.

When I think W's actions are a result of her depression, I feel sad and compassionate. When I think her actions are just done out of her anger and resentment towards me, I feel less worried about her hurting herself. Like the fire of her anger towards me is keeping her alive.

There's my thoughts and swirling fears for the day.