Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[Wanted1]

Now, if wanting to R ends up being her decision, she isn't going to just walk back in to my open arms. She is going to have to prove to me that she's 100% committed to making it work. And that isn't going to happen by just her saying she is. She needs to prove that through consistent action.

Easy to say but harder to do. You are on the right track if you stay committed to what you wrote above. It's the only way it woks out long term.

This is my opinion only and shouldn't change the way you handle yourself. I highly doubt OM is completely out of the picture.

I'm with you 100% on your opinion. I can't control that, though. A part of me thinks maybe their conversation was more or less, "Let's cool it for now and then when the marriage is over we can start communicating again." I won't ever know for sure, but the fact that they met and talked in person and there wasn't just a simple message sent saying "We can't be in contact anymore. I need to figure out what I want," makes me wonder if there wasn't some sort of a 'plan' moving forward. That's just a hunch though.

In the joint therapy session, she was trying to talk him up by saying, "He was so gracious and understanding and he even mentioned to me that this can't be something where you cheat down the road. It has to be a complete cut off. No reaching out or anything of that nature until you decide that we can communicate openly and freely." I'm paraphrasing because as I was hearing this I was thinking to myself sarcastically, 'wow, he's such a stand up guy!' (SMFH!) I can see right through his douchiness.

At the end of the day, IF she decides she wants to work on the M and claims to be 100% in on doing so, I would like anyone's thoughts on this, but in thinking ahead, my first response is going to be: "Ok, well I want to trust you that it's over with OM and I believe a way for you to start that process is for you to prove to me that there has been no contact with OM since your last meeting (this past Sunday). I don't care to read anything prior to that because at this point, we should focus on the present and what we need to do moving forward, but I would like confirmation that he has been out of the picture like you assured me is the case and was the reason for the meeting/bike ride."

If she agrees to shows me her phone and I can at least see proof that the last contact with him was prior to this past Sunday, that would help with starting to regain some trust I've lost in her. If she doesn't agree to show me or if I find some communication in the meantime, I'm not sure how I should proceed. I'm just trying to think ahead and be prepared. I think watching her send him a message stating something like, "its over, no more contract, I'm fully committed to trying to make our M work," would suffice and then having her delete his number, the app(s) she's using to contact him, block him on social media, etc. would work but I also don't want to project as being weak.