Just my two cents on what to tell the kids. First of all if they don't ask I don't tell them anything. I know first hand how difficult it is night after night when you are putting them to sleep and they are asking where their mom is and why she is never around. I kept silent for a while but now tell them the truth. I tell them the truth not about the details of the situation but the truth about their Mom. It looks something like this: "Mom is going through a difficult time right now and is under a lot of stress. Mom and Dad both love you very much and will always be here if you need anything".
Seeing our WAS so lost and all the things they are doing that make absolutely no sense and thinking so much about fixing ourselves I think can cause us to forget about things from their side of the fence. I don't know what runs through their heads but I don't think for a second that any of this is easy for them in any way. When I look at my W now, nothing she is saying or doing bothers me personally. It bothers me deeply on a level of genuine concern and sadness for her though. All I think when I look at W is how lost and confused and depressed the sad little girl inside of her is. Truth of the matter is she is going through a very difficult time, she is under a great deal of stress. She needs help badly, not for our marriage, not for our kids but for herself.
TF, I'm not sure if any of that helps but try and look at things a bit from her perspective. Let the kids know that their mom is going through a stressful time but leave it at that. Be there for them and be strong. They need their father and they need him to show them what true strength looks like.
