Devastated

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Pie - Im sorry for what youve had to go through. I can only imagine the relief you must have felt to get that 1000lb monkey off your back and really start to look at yourself as a person. Sometimes, it takes getting to rock bottom to really be able to see and feel and understand yourself. I know that had your wife "sat you down" while you were in "good times" you wouldnt have seen it or been open to it. I said the same thing about my XW....that if she had just talked to me, we would have figured it out. But really, I wasnt able to hear those things because I didnt realize "how serious" she ever was. It took her getting to the point that she wants to walk away for you to wake up. How many years of frustration must she have gone through before reaching that point? I know mine went through several. In any case, let me give some other comments below.

I grew deeper into my depression. I started self medicating myself

So what are you doing for yourself now? You said you were "on the way to recovery". But what does that mean, specifically? Are you seeing a counselor? Do you have a clear plan for how to face your demons and overcome them?

One good thing is that there is NO other man - never has been and she even stated that the thought of that was gross.

Steve is more confident than I would be that there is someone else. BUT...it clearly isnt 'gross' to her as she is still sleeping with you fairly regularly.

I think it is VERY important to not confuse this with love. My guess is that this is fulfilling some physical need for her. For example, if she is chatting with some other guy online somewhere but cant or doesnt want to meet up with him, she could be using you for that physical release without that emotional connection. Or maybe shes meeting him occasionally and is "more turned on" and knows you are available. Theres not really any way to know at this point. All I know is that it may not be about her emotional connection with you, so pinning your hopes and expectations of that onto the act is probably going to wind up hurting you later.

So my question to you is what you want. Without having her committed to the relationship or you, can you continue to see her and sleep with her without any expectations? without attaching any other emotions to those meetings? I would also recommend being SAFE and SMART. I know it's your wife, but use protection if you do continue on.

I know my wife and I think women in general and can't imagine a women that walks out the door would do that if she didn't really love that person.

I would say you have a LOT to learn. Please read on here. There are so many instances of women doing exactly as you describe.

I've read Michelle's book The Divorce Remedy and am trying to put one foot in front of the other and try the Last Resort but it is so hard

Look....if youve seen your wife 8 times and youre having regular sex with her, you are NOT in the last resort. That technique is essentially dropping off the face of the earth to her. How about focusing less on that chapter of the book and really digging in to the process.

What are your goals?
How is your GAL going?

I am broken

I know this is cliche. But you really cant work on repairing your marriage until you work on repairing yourself. You need to regain your self-esteem, your excitement for life, your inner strength. All of it. Until you can stand on your own two feet, you cant expect your wife to want to come stand next to you.

I know it's all a lot to take in. Take your time. READ. POST.
You can do it. One foot in front of the other.