Unsure what's next, what to do.....Part II

[Wanted1]

I wish you would have posted here first. To me, this makes it very clear that you are spying on her. Sometimes, it's better to take some time, collect your thoughts, and make a plan. Confrontation is just that....confrontation. But it doesnt really mean anything unless you can back it up with clear actions/boundaries. What was the end of result of this, exactly...? It isnt like you know clearly what went on while they were gone. Ive never heard of two people going out for a bike ride to decide to .... stop talking to each other. That feels like a conversation you have where you meet somewhere and go your separate ways....not somewhere when you then have to ride back for however long together. Whether or not they did anything physical on the bike ride isnt that important....it just doesnt make sense that THAT would be how they end contact.

I wasn't intending on spying. Our security camera sends notifications anytime there is activity. I saw a babysitter show up so naturally I got curious.

That said, it is definitely a good thing that she felt comfortable enough with you to share this kind of information.

I felt like it was good thing as well.

Im confused by this statement. I thought she did end it? Whats with the "if"?

I probably didn't explain that in the best way. In our joint session, she started out by telling the ICs what had transpired since the last session. She explained the meeting with OM on Sunday and that I found out about it. She was trying to "justify" her meeting with OM to cut off communication by explaining in front of both me and my IC that her IC, in their last individual session, told her that if she chooses to cut off communication with OM it "should be for her and for her clarity of mind and for no one else." I thought this was sort of weird to explain but I suppose she didn't want me thinking she cut off communication "for me." I don't know... Long story short, in her mind SHE decided to cut off communication with OM for HER own good (not because I wanted her to or for me) and that is why they met up on Sunday -- to tell him it's over until she decided what's going to happen with our M.

Im having some trouble understanding why this is such a 'given' for her. From what I can recall, this woman has had multiple affairs with all kinds of deceit. Why is it that you are going to put your life on hold while she figures out if she wants to be with you? You phrase this as if it's a given that if she says "Wanted, I want to be with you", that you will be right there waiting with open arms. If youre willing to put yourself as Plan B regardless of what she does, then why would she choose that path?

I'd love some suggestions on what to do. I know a lot of other situations here have lasted longer than mine. I think it's safe to say that my W has been flooded with all sorts of feelings that don't just pertain to our M. Dealing with the trauma she's had in her past is also weighing heavily on her. Maybe I'm being naive and hopeful in thinking that it isn't just our M that she's struggling with right now. I'm trying to be the lighthouse and keep the road paved smooth back. But I'd love some suggestions or tips on what to do and/or what I shouldn't continue to do. I'm not willing to be Plan B. I think now that OM is supposedly out of the picture that might help matters. Again, maybe that's wishful thinking and either it won't change a bit or maybe he's truly not out of the picture. Unfortunately, I can't control either of those things. I'm just trying to be AMOAFWL.

I agree that this is kind of what you should be doing. But....I dont understand why youre laying this all out to your W. As V says regularly...."cards, chest, close in any order". If you were trying to start dating someone, you wouldnt be like "Im going to call you every third day so that I appear interested but not TOO interested. Im going to send you flowers after 2 weeks and chocolate after 6. I also want to take you to this special place in a month, etc."

Speak with actions. Just do the things you think are best. You dont need to explain every little detail to her.

I kind of agree I probably shouldn't have said all of that. At the time, I was trying to explain that while I'm willing to wait awhile, I'm not going to wait forever. That I'm going to start preparing to move on on my own. Maybe it didn't come across that way to her, I don't know. But that was my intentions in saying all of that.

In any case....how is GAL going?
And did you meet up with your friend X?

It's going pretty good I'm trying to GAL as much as I can.

I did meet up with her. Had dinner together and it was good to catch up. I vented about my situation a little and she did a good job listening and validating what I had to say. It was kind of nice to talk to a friend about everything.