Devastated

[SteveLW]

pie51, sorry you are here, but as others have said you have come to the right place.

pie. I need to level with you. My sitch was very similar to yours in what your W said. Though mine never left, she said a lot of the same things your W said almost verbatim.

The most concerning to me is that she 'wants nothing from you". This was my W as well. "I don't want any of your money. I want you to keep the house. Etc." Most of the time Ws take that route is due to guilt. So what could she feel guilty about?

Let's look at some other markers: "Over the last several months she decided to better herself and stopped - lost weight , started going out with friends more often"

pie, likely, despite what she says and you believe, there is someone else. Whether it is just an EA, or a full blown PA, we have a saying around here: a monkey doesn't jump from one branch until they've identified another one that can support them.

So the bad news is that there is likely an OM. The good news is that it change nothing that you should be doing.

I like the advice above from Jim, you have to get yourself healthy first and foremost. The biggest 180 you need to make is to address your own addiction and depression. Without doing that nothing else you try to do will really matter.

Let her go to get her back. Nothing turned my sitch around more than this. When I started to let go of the rope and drop it, that's when my W started to question the edict she has issued on bomb day. The harder I held on the more she struggled to get away. Once I let go she stopped of her own volition.

Detachment. So important. You have to learn to be lovingly detached. Do all of cadet's readings and focus on detaching. Letting her go is almost impossible without this.

GAL. For you this is an easy one! Get mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy. Working on all of that will keep you pretty busy. Remember, a busy pie will be a happy pie. Most people that are unhappy and depressed are sitting around stewing in their own juices too much. So get up and get active in all 4 areas I mentioned above.

And of course 180s. For you doing all of the above will be full of 180s for you! Just keep working on being the best pie you can be. Be the H only a fool would leave!

Hang in there, it will get easier with time. We often say around here that you need to focus on saving yourself. In that process you just might save your marriage too.