I completely agree with all of your advice and I can see that it is working. As DejaVu said, I talk to her like a sister and not my #1 priority. I know that she notices it as she used to be my #1 priority. I know for a fact if I begin pursuit or show enthusiasm that she will go running. Wanted to give an update on my sitch (while it's still fresh in my mind), as she came over tonight (she wanted me to go for coffee but I didn't feel like going out so I asked her if she wanted to come to my house instead and she said yes). First, we were watching TV and eating, not saying much (just commenting on the show), like two friends would. After the show ended, I started cleaning up (kind of me giving her cue to leave) and she said she wanted to talk.
So, the talk began. She said that she has done a lot of thinking and realizes that she needs help. That a lot of her past issues caused her to be a certain way in the marriage, and that before she blamed me for everything, but now she realizes the fault was 50/50, and that she is going to a therapist as well. I told her that I was happy that she was getting help and that I really do believe it will benefit her, as going to a therapist benefits me. We talked about a lot of things but I'll just tell you all the important things. She told me that she still loves me, that she misses me, that she worries about me, but that there are things that would need to change if we were going to get back together. I told her "I still love you, but I don't feel like I am in love with you (I know, the famous line, but I was afraid to tell her that I am still in love with her, isn't that pursuit?) I want to be in love with you. But, I could never go back to our old relationship. I am much better off alone then being in our marriage the way that we were. I am not saying that I could never go back to you, I am saying that I can't go back to our old relationship. If we are going to try to work this out, we need to take it slow and really ask ourselves if we are capable of changing". She said that she feels exactly the same way. I said "We both need to take time and really think about what changes we need from the other person. I'll make a list of what I would really need you to change, and I want you to make a list of what you need me to change. Then we need to both analyze each others list and ask ourselves truthfully, can we make these changes? Are we capable of making these changes?" She said that that's a great idea and she will do it. We agreed to go out from time to time, almost as friends with no commitment or getting hopes up. She said "I'll call/text you when I want to talk to you and I'll invite you out when I want to see you, and I hope you do the same to me"
I just really want to take it slow to protect myself from getting my hopes up and getting hurt. My plan is to keep doing as I am doing, no pursuit or enthusiasm from my part. I don't know if I screwed up in the talk but I feel as though it went ok. I'm ready to hear any and all criticism and advice. How do I proceed from here? Do I ask her out sometimes? My instinct is telling me not to, and I don't plan to. I really have no expectations, and even if she never talks to me again I'll be fine. So I feel as though I am in a good position either way, but truthfully I would love to R. Thank you all!
