Admittedly, this detaching thing is hard to do when I see or hear from him almost every day.
I so hear you on this. Like you I do the best I can. My entries are full of H because I do see him every day, and, as I am not fully detached, I still feel the need to analyze every bit of every interaction. Sometimes, I wish my H displayed the level of cruelty that I read on other threads so that I could detach properly. I could set proper boundaries. However, I am grateful that he is not cruel (anymore) and I know this makes detaching harder.
I know the constant contact is hard, but would you really prefer it if your H was gripped with the darkness that some of the other spouses here?
I think detaching, particularly in our sitchs where the spouse is showing a commitment to being a good parent, is really more about removing expectations than going dark. I try and remember that he is here so much for the children. If there were no children, there would be no contact. That helps me reduce my expectations or at least act like I don't have expectations. Clearly I still do though.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I have to give him props though, other than his gas and the odd grocery or Home Depot bill, he has used very little of our money and has told me that he is trying to keep expenses down. I’ve told him that I appreciate it. Personally, again, I think this is to soften the blow for when we finally have that talk neither of us wants to have – me because I just want to work on the M and him because he avoids conflict like the plague. Sigh…
Our H's are so alike they could be reading from the same play book.
PS - I'm sorry your hallowed didn't go to plan. It is difficult to remove expectations from any type of holiday/event.
