Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Twofeet]

RyanHun,

I can tell you that you and I probably have the same mindset wrt parenting post-BD. My W has backed way off to the point that on several occasions the kids have cried to her about her lack of presence and participation. When they ask me why mom doesn't spend time with them I just tell them that they will need to ask their Mom. It often feels like I am acting as the Mom and Dad, and my IC has talked to me about this needing to be the case now and Post-D. Which is fine because it will teach me to be a better parent and my bond with the kids will only get stronger.

So you were wondering why I spoke up. Well 2 reasons......
1) We had a parenting plan that we worked on with our IC (same person seen individually) that included telling them before Halloween then using the holiday as a distraction. It included having grandparents over and trick-or-treating as a family to show the kids support and stability. They need to know everything was going to be OK. Well if you read the post about when we told the kids you can see that a lot of the plan has been crumbling. I know my FiL invited my parents over and for whatever reason my W has decided right now she absolutely abhors my parents. They have had no contact with my W except to let her know that they love her, support her, and if she needs anything let them know. Basically the same message her parents told me post-BD. Anyway W and FiL had words about him inviting them over and W threatened to dive bomb Halloween if my parents showed. It may have been why FiL no showed. So we had a plan and I wanted to stick to it for the kids benefit.
2) I can't make her love me and I can't make her like me, but she will have to tolerate me for the kids benefit. She can't sit there and say she wants to co-parent and put the kids interest first and then bail out for selfish reasons. I can already see the start of problems on the horizon for some holidays and shared events. I want to do whats best for them and I am prepared to pick up the slack, but I felt this and future shared events may need some tough love.

Maybe my mindset is wrong, like you I too would like the advice and opinion from others.