I met W at the change-over on Sunday. I then went into a shop with the kids, W followed us a few mins later. W offered to be helpful with a lift back to the family home etc. I've accepted in the past but she's twisted it and lied to use against me so I declined. I said "No, not after what happened last time". I guess this is me setting boundaries.
Sandi2 says about a WW needs a sense of loss to get out of a fog, perhaps the kids being with me at Christmas and New Year in the family home might do it? Regardless, I'm going to concentrate on giving the kids as normal/great Christmas as possible. The fact that W can't now be trusted to visit us even for Christmas is her loss but it's the kids I feel sorry for.
For the next couple of days I felt a dark feeling in my eyes and head. That cleared on Tuesday and Wednesday but I felt bad again today. It's like the song 'I get knocked down but I get up again'.
The kids and I seem closer than ever. They always say how good it feels to be home etc. However, W is manipulating them asking them to deceive me. I feel so much for them being put in that position by W. I tell them they are free to tell their mum whatever they like about me and their time with me.
W is doing a parenting course this week (I've already done it) because I'd asked the court to include it. For the sake of the kids, I hope that she realises that she's done terrible things.
GAL is going well. I have made a list of achievements since W left and a list of things I need to do. The to do list is getting shorter. I know what I have to do and to keep doing it. The 22 year-old i went out with last Friday sent me a message today to say she had a great time with me. I sat on a bench today and a woman sat beside me. She was lovely, told me she had no social life, is 24, single etc. I feel such positive interactions are helping to keep me going.
