Journaling… So…it’s a good thing that we talk a lot about having no expectations although, when it comes to my H, since he got Shingles, my expectations have always been low to expecting to be disappointed. He continues to not disappoint me in that regard. Predictably, our Hallowe’en plans went south. My daughter decided she wanted to go out with her friend. She tried to take her brother but he doesn’t like the friend’s little sister [she is a handful, no doubt] so said he wanted to go on his own with me. My H came for dinner and to help get them ready but I could tell from his face that he was having some pain issues again and he had that “I need to bail” look that I know so well. Despite my anticipation of this, I think I looked somewhat disappointed and I know he felt guilty when he left. Tried to do damage control by sending him a couple of pictures to which he responded enthusiastically. This morning, he texted me to ask how it went and apologized for being a “pain in the ass”. I almost texted back that I am used to it but did a 180 on that and told him “no worries” and that I would be going out tonight (ironically to a fashion show at his place of employment – one of my teen clients invited me) so the kids would be with his mom if he wanted to visit. He told me a couple days ago that he wanted to go river fishing right after work but the weather looks like it may not cooperate so he might stop by to try to make up for last night. Admittedly, this detaching thing is hard to do when I see or hear from him almost every day. This weekend his daughter is coming for a visit and will stay with me. She’s having relationship problems with her BF and wants to come over for a break from the drama. So…my H will be around again. He’s always described this situation as a “temporary break” but the longer this goes on, the more I think that he is just telling me that to soften the blow for when he eventually tells me he wants to make this a permanent thing – likely around the time he runs out of money and has to start going into our joint account. I have to give him props though, other than his gas and the odd grocery or Home Depot bill, he has used very little of our money and has told me that he is trying to keep expenses down. I’ve told him that I appreciate it. Personally, again, I think this is to soften the blow for when we finally have that talk neither of us wants to have – me because I just want to work on the M and him because he avoids conflict like the plague. Sigh…
