I guess this is piecing

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

just finished your post from yesterday, that's good to get all of that out! And you did it in the right place in my opinion.

My take is that you really are coming to a lot of the right conclusions on your own, but you have all these feelings holding you back from accepting what you know is true. That's ok, that's called being a human. I've played lots of sports, as have you. One of the hardest lessons to learn is what your weaknesses are and how to manage them. Not making those "unforced errors" makes more of a difference than the spectacular plays over the course of a season. So you need to "know yourself" and your weaknesses. Your W is your weakness and you know it, we know it, everyone knows it (and it's OK too). So learn to manage that. Tell your W "let me think about that and I'll let you know" it buys you enough time to calm down, remove the emotion, and make your decision. You can't always do it but you will get better with practice.

You said you're a leader, so lead! It's hard. Make the hard decision, even though you don't want to. Detach. Let her go. Show her you won't play the games, that you've made up your mind on how to live, that you aren't going to settle for an up and down, hot and cold R. I know that you really don't want the hot and cold R, but you have shown your W that you'll settle for it. You've settled for it so much that it seems like you've settled in and now it's just part of your life. It's a habit. Breaking habits is hard work.

What Steve and Accuray said is great too. I loved Acc's post about the four types of people in MC. It's so true.

If you decide to go dark, make sure it's a decision and a plan you can stick to. No more flip flopping. Like you said, you're a leader. Be firm, steady, strong. It's not easy and sometimes it flat out [censored], but it will pay dividends down the road whether you reconcile or not. Your W can't figure out anything right now, so you need to figure out yourself. She'll make her own decisions in her own time. Separate yourself from the craziness.

Oh and by the way, I like the story about the chick you met. Sounds pretty cool! Too bad you can't fully jump into any of that b/c it sounds awesome. Glad the trip was a success!