W brought S home from his appointment this evening. I had the landlords on standby because of last time she was here. The exchange went smoothly, and we ended up laughing at something...I don't remember what though. She had to come back a little later to bring his halloween costume, so we had a minute to talk.
After she told me about her day, work, etc., she paused and then said "Why did you apologize to me?"
I told her "because I felt like my attitude was bad, It didn't feel right how I texted you."
She said "What's the real reason?"
Me: "...that is the real reason."
Then she decided it was bs and started to get snippy with me. She said that I need to listen to her and not ignore her, and started talking about the car insurance. She got in the car and drove off, after cutting me off from asking her to explain what she meant.
I sent her a pic I had taken of a sign about S's school's closings because she asked about them. I also said "The conversation was going well, but why ask why I apologized if you were just going to tell me what to do, cut me off, and not listen? It feels like you just got tired of being nice and wanted something to complain at me about.
W: I just wanted to know why you apologized. And I don't feel like I got an honest answer, so I got a little snippy.
M: That was an honest answer.
W: Sorry that I got snippy. Once I got irritated, I went into "avoid a fight" mode which usually involves cutting you off so that I can leave to avoid said fight.
M: But that makes fights...but I understand..
W: That's the difference between you and me. When I noticed myself starting to get irritated, I tried to leave the situation to cool down. You want to continue, which only antagonizes my irritation. I have always been the person to leave rather than to argue. You know this. Neither one of us get anywhere when we are arguing. We both lose. S loses.
M: I was being sincere. I don't like the way I handled things. I wasn't nice, and I was very rude. I know you like space when you get angry, and until the split, I tried to make sure you had it. Even if I just sat quietly. I still care about you (I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT, BAD DB...SORRY) but I'm tired of feeling like I've been walked on. Even if that wasn't your intent, it's how it feels. For me, not talking things out has always bothered me. I've always been that way. I prefer quick resolution. I understand that we are different in that respect.
W: I'm not against talking things out, but the heat of the moment is not the time or place. No one wins. No one hears each other and the situation between you and I has escalated to the point that the moment I feel irritation towards you, I know that's my cue to leave. So when I leave, it's not to make you feel cut off or walked on, it's to save us from the fight about to happen. Have a good night.
A bit later she texted again to ask if I had weekend plans coming up, and if I would like for her to watch S. She's trying to work on her schedule to figure out which days she can see S.
Interesting. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. lol
