Gosh Yorkie. I feel for you. I am also in awe of your calm and pragmatic approach to this. I think it will serve you well in the long run. I agree with everything that FS said. I also don't believe that you could have an affair and feel nothing. I think my H would probably say that too... and FS's likely would as well. What else could they say given what they have started? It is one thing to conceptualize it, it is another thing to experience it. I wish I were the sort of person who could put that to the test but I'm not. I care too much about other people and bringing some unsuspecting guy into this would be cruel on my part. I am, and always have been, a one-man woman. If I give my heart to someone, that's it. I don't even wonder what it would be like with someone else. So, I am resigned to the fact that this is a journey I will be taking alone and it isn't until the ink is dry on the D paper and I have had some time to grieve, that I will even consider dating or socializing with potential partners. Plus...I remember how difficult it was to find a quality person when I was 32 (first divorce, first husband, mutual parting - still good friends) and single. EVERYONE I met had "baggage" and hang-ups. I dated a number of people, had some interesting adventures but everyone I went out with felt temporary. When I met my H, that was it for me. He ticked every box. We lived in different cities at the time but we were as inseparable as we could possibly be. I moved to be with him four months after our first date and we were engaged three months after that. We were crazy about each other. And then life happened. I was prepared, I think, and he was not. And now we are in this mess. Anyway... I digress.
I think you are doing really, really well considering. I know without a doubt that you are going to be okay. I also know that your H will tire of his situation. He will seek you out at some point. It will s**k to be him if you have closed the door by then. Keep leaving the wine out!!! :-D (((HUGS)))
