Last attempt. OrangeK v.2

[OrangeK]

Venting and updates:



One of my less than informed friends decided it would be a good idea to send me a photo of EXW from her recent vacation with OM. I promptly told them not to do that again. He had sent it and asked, “wait…what happened to you two…? I noticed she hasn’t posted anything about you in ages and has been dropping these vacation posts and whatnot. What’s the deal?”
She still apparently doesn’t post about OM, but I hadn’t talked to this friend in some time.

The photo looked like she had fun, and despite knowing any “public display” of her life is inherently false, it still pissed me off.
The fact that it did tells me a lot. A lot about lingering detachment issues. I don’t pine for her or miss her anymore, but things like this still have the ability to trigger me into anger, and I don’t like that. This hasn’t happened in a long time and it really makes me mad at myself. The fact that seeing her having fun while on a vaca OM is enough to trigger a response of anger proves there is still power there.



Knowing she would literally place our child in the hands of a predator is enough. Knowing the lies, manipulations, and constant need for online approval should be more than enough for my self-respect to override any leftover feelings of hurt and pain, any feelings of missing out, being screwed over or getting the raw deal. But it doesn’t. and that makes me very mad at myself. What’s it going to take for me to experience true indifference?



I have spent so much time and energy focusing on S3, myself, and Mary, that I thought I had really moved past these angry responses.



Silver lining: it took SIGNIFICANTLY, less time for me to abate this anger. Like I got up from my desk, went outside for a smoke (still haven’t quit ) and calmed myself down. I repeated “its fake, she’s fake, it’s all for show” over and over to myself several times. It seemed to work. Thankfully tonight is D&D night and I can crawl into the persona of a Sorcerer for the evening.



Still FLABERGHASTED she is ignoring DCYF.

I feel bad for S3. He has to go there to be ignored more tonight, tomorrow night.
He comes back from his weekends with her a temperamental emotional wreck. Hissy fits at the drop of a hat. After he’s been with me for a few days he’s fine. Then I have to send him to her, and the cycle begins again.
This Sun-Tues was particularly bad. It makes me wonder if she takes her frustrations out on him through emotional abuse.
The fact that I filed a PPO against her Dad and contacted DCYF is more than enough to trigger her criticism and fury, and the fact that S3 had one of the worst weeks in memory right after that happened and he was with her for the weekend is not lost on me.



Things with Mary are going well still. We had an awesome weekend. She continues to be super supportive, caring and understanding.