Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Twofeet]

I dont want W to be in another R, I don't want W to be in another MR, I dont want to share my kids with any OM. I dont want my kids to call another man Daddy. What if I die, wouldn't that happen? I want to go ballistic on OM and W. I want W to climb into a hole and rot, I don't want her to do better than me in life, I want her to fail, she doesn't want to be in this family so she is an enemy of this family, etc, etc, etc.

TF,

Let's look at these one at a time. Tough one first. Your W is going to date and have $ex. Just the reality of it. If you could ever get the truth out of them this is why they do it because they think there is something better out there. My ex told me she wants those butterfly in her stomach feelings again. Keep in mind most men want to date younger girls, most men will want nothing to do with your three young kids and I think 1/3 of men over 40 have ED. I am dating now and talking to woman and they indicate that thy were shocked at the selection of available men. They are either broke, out of shape or creepy and stalkerish. That is going to greatly reduce the dating pool for her. I just read in a book I am reading that is way easier for a middle aged man to find a suitable mate then a woman.

I am 99% sure your kids are not going to call anyone else Daddy. Again, most likely no one wants the job. You and your ex will make it clear to the new guy that your kids need a father. Your bond will be so close with your kids that they would never dream of calling someone else Daddy.

Again odds are you are going to do better. You are doing the work and I feel you will continue to do so after the D. In terms of long-term happiness the odds are stacked in your favor. Read Accuracy, Anotherstander, JRUSS's stories, they are doing way better then their exs. Karma is going to bite her in the a$$ at some point. It is a universal law just like gravity.

If you die you won't be around so you'll have no idea what's going on.

I get it dude! I had all the same thoughts but the bottom line is most of these thoughts never come to fruition accept for the dating. To be honest with you she has to go through that to realize she made a big mistake and the grass isn't greener on the other side.

I would bet more on the fact that at some point she wants to comeback and you will not want her back because you have already moved on.

LH19,

The dating and sex bother me a lot. If I was more centered it wouldn't, but it does. W doesn't know it as I don't show it. I have the attitude and mentality that I am best she will ever have, no guy is going to top me. Which I think is a good mindset to have, its just not the OM that bothers me its her. I think it bothers me so much because we started young and have only known each other. Did the whole traditional wait till marriage thing. Knowing her that long, and at that young of an age it may not be a surprise that I became too attached. Her identity became apart of me, it wasn't just me and her it was we, but probably we at an unhealthy level. Since I hold myself to such a high standard I expect her to do the same as well. Her dating and having sex with other men feels so foul in my head. I am too possessive over something and someone that is not mine to possess. I need to get past this and it is one of the things IC and I have been working on to improve myself.
I think you mentioned in another thread on the post-D forum you read Corey Wayne's book. I bought it a couple weeks ago because I saw some YouTube vids of him. While I feel like he is too casual in his attitude ie his 3Hs, he does have a good mindset about healthy relationships. His book has been helping me readjust my thinking.

Thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it.