I'm getting exhaused with these rapid ups and downs.
To summarize, no contact with W all day yesterday. W called for two minutes telling me she is going to yoga again and needs me to watch D4. Ok. No problem. I can lift after she is done. Second question was Halloween plans. Confirmed plans. Finished workout. Prayed (while crying) and drove home. Mom sent me pictures from a cousin's engagement. They all looked happy. I broke down and texted my mom that I'm being punished by God and this is just another twist of the knife. Told her how much it hurts. She called and apologized numerous times for sending me the pictures. I told her that there was nothing to forgive. That she just wanted to share it with me. Cried wondering when my opportunity will come. Hung up. And just went to an outlook and just stared at the river for about 20 minutes. Drove home. As I entered, I got a text from W telling me she is not feeling well and is going to bed. D4 was awake so I went in and read her a bedtime story. Grabbed dinner, went into my room, ate, prayed, and went to sleep. Heard W mulling about after I went in my room, but I did not care.
Woke up the next morning, her bedroom door was open and she asked me if I "had a cold". I said "Nope. Just waking up." Showered, she made small chit-chat, I got ready and drove in to work.
Lifting after work tonight then I don't know. Probably the same thing I did yesterday evening, hopefully without tears.
Thinking about the holidays and her birthday. I may just give one gift for her birthday and not acknowledge it otherwise. I don't know.
