Whirlwind of Hurt 4

[Twofeet]

I was thinking to myself that W doesn't really initiate conversation anymore. It is usually me asking prodding questions to get her to open up and talk. I am the one who is being pleasant and treating her like a welcomed guest or a bratty little sister to get her to lighten up and relax. This morning as usual I initiated the good mornings, then I decided to stay quiet and not instigate conversation. It was as if she read my mind and she started asking me questions trying to get me to open up. I was very careful because it felt like she was trying to talk about R without talking about it. She wanted to know what I thought about my sis getting married and what I thought about as my wife put it "her marriage counseling and sh!t." W thinks that if you need MC before a marriage you probably shouldn't get married in some cases I would agree. Anyway, I said I am very happy for sis and its about time she finally found someone she finds worth marrying. Hopefully they will have kids as our kids are asking if their Aunt will have babies now so they can have more cousins. As far as MC I said I talked to sis about this and she said that they went to MC not so much for their own issues, but to build proper communication skills and tools they would need to use to build a strong marriage to prevent problems down the road. Sis said the minor problems they had were resolved as a byproduct of this. The MC for my sis was per-mariatal box her and her STBH wanted to check off to build a happy M because no one wants to go into a M with the thought of D as a possibility. W asked if I think it will last. (At this point I am worried about what I am about to say) I said I think so, M and Love is a choice, if they want it to last they will work on making it last. Its not like they are 20 or 21, they both have some experience under their belt so they have the tools to make it work and they are choosing to make it work.

W then wanted to talk about a relative of ours they we choose to not communicate with anymore. She doesn't want this person in our children's lives because he is a bad influence, I am in agreement. (Here is where I get nervous as it relates to our sitch, I want to show my integrity so I air my laundry) We talk about how this person left his W for an EA that he is still with 2 years later. I said I saw that EA unfold before my eyes. I said someday I will bury the hatchet for the other grievances this relative caused upon me, but I do not want this relative or their influence in my children's lives. W asked if they will marry, I say I don't know and I don't care. I won't be attending that wedding. She says you really don't like his OW do you. I said no I do not. I had enough run ins with her and had to deal with her in my industry to know she is not a good person. I say this relative is not a good person to have in our life. I tell W a story about a childhood friend whose Dad was having a PA with OW and built a nice big house for my friend himself and OW and her kids. The whole time his W thought it was there future dream home. Couple of months into the move he gave her the boot, then moved OW in and married her. It was really hard on my friend and because of his issues with this we became distant. I also really liked his Dad and thought he was a cool guy growing up as a kid, after this I had no respect for him and really wouldn't hang out with my friend unless he was at his Mom's place. I told W I remember you said the other day from now on you will only look to my actions and not my words, but I hope you hear what I am saying when I say I stand for our kids. We are fully on the same page and I don't want this relative in their lives.

As I said it was her poking and prodding, when I would try to ask prodding questions she would just give a short little answer such as I don't know, I want to know what you think. She knows where I stand on EA, and PA. We both used to be on the same page. I don't like talking about this with her because I don't want to drive her further away, but she brought it up. Heck I don't even know if there still is a OM, it may have been the start of a EA and my confrontation may have shut it down until she is D. She could also be full on into a EA or PA with OM, or even another OM. Don't know anymore and don't really care at this point. She has had plenty of opportunity to prove me false and has never done it. I just need to assume the worst and hope for the best.