Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[marina7]

Peacetoday

Yes thought of that a thousand times.

But then I get hunted will s10 thinks I forgot about him.

S10 stood really close to me this weekend.. he simply cuddled
Looks at me mommy I love you.

I hild s10 am here remember and am fighting for you.
But yes I have thought that.

I just know I worry about s10. His thoughts
Like did mommy forgotten about me. It
Feels W will get what W wanted. But I will think
Of doing that. It might be good for s10 and even me

Job
I agree also is hard but ya are right

W is all about control, smirks when she gets her way
Comes in to therapy like W about to go to the club.

W uses Victim method but then does another.
I am exhausted.
Thank you again Peacetoday and job

As God knows I will take all advice from therapist,
My friends here in this group. From anyone
That has gone through this H@ll...

Well in 3 weeks we are meeting again in therapy
But GAL will be there I will have time to process this.

I know my actions shows that I simply want our kids together
The trio's where adopted and raised.
Blood or not they are sister and brother they need each other.

W also stated that she hates how I raised them to be together and close
Team. She would say is a great thing what M is doing then says is wrong.

Going to my group therapy church will chirp in again.

[OneArt]

I don’t think you have to give up the fight for S10, or make him question that you would do anything for him, but I think you have to face what you do not control and stop feeding her the kibbles she needs from you. I do think if you appear to back away that the game will be less satisfying for her. Does she really want the custody she is seeking? Does she really need to hear again how much you want to reunite them so it is something she needs to fight against. I think you weren’t far from it the with the King Solomon observation. But I think what she sees doesn’t have to be what you feel.

Because I love a good poem, this one by William Blake, “The Clod and the Pebble”:

"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair."

So sung a little Clod of Clay
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only self to please,
To bind another to its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite."

[marina7]

OneArt,

I truly get what ya are saying, and I have now I follow
The court what they said.
Yes I do get upset and hurt when W doesn't want us
With s10 or does home separations.
Example are in W house
Her weekend W will have s10 spend night over at her mom
Or he goes to OW sister house.

I also know I can't control W house. Unfortunately what
Happens there stay there. The trio's do know I am
The safe place they can vent. I get it now it's hard
But I get it. But I also know in this process kids are hurting

To answer your questions.
S10 knows I love them all the same. S10 thought
When am in mommy m home I'll get away with anything
Nope. In fact s10 has been punished. I treat all 3 the same
If s10 disrespect s9 or d10 he gets in trouble. And he has
Told them that's why mom doesn't want ya. Oh trust me
It's been a crazy ride. But I also know they are kids.
I let them figure it out as long they not yelling and
Disrespecting each other.
Is hard trying to be the stable parent but I am doing it.

Does W want kids
So W has emailed me and has told me face to face
To let her live her life with s10 and for me to live
my life with d10 and s9.
W has not petitioned anything in court its only
been me. I been the only one trying to keep kids
Together. And also me get trio's. I miss my son.
I had my son rip from me.
So no W doesn't want d10 and s9. I also think she might
Not want s10, I know W is trying to hurt me. Unfortunately
W knows my weakness. I am a mom who always showed her
Love for her children. W didn't get a reaction of her marrying
OW so now she starting her mess again trying to
Keep s10 away.

I also am not trying to keep trio's from W. Believe it or not
These kids love her. They know mom is sick. Kids have a great
Therapist that is helping them get through this. There therapist
Have help them get through this. They know mom is sick
Not sure what that means to them as I don't ask questions I just
Listen. But I have an idea.

I am working on how to detach from giving her a rise
When she plays this sick game with s10.

All I can do is control me. I am not giving up the fight.
But am giving up the fight for me trying to get more time
For s10 through W. I know I need to stay focus and just
Keep showing everyone I just want us 4 together.
I want my 50% of the time. Is fair as I was not the one
To walk away left all 3 kids and 4 or 5 months later
W took him then I started the court process. Is unfair
But I know God has his bigger plan.

[marina7]

Journaling

Nothing much since Monday.
I been low.
I have given myself to God long time ago.
But I have given s10 to God.
I now only can pray and wait.

W has not called or anything for
D10 orS9
Thet have ask are we going call s10 mommy
I say yeah but I let time pass and say oh wow
Time flew we need to go to bed.

I honestly thought W would call for d10 and s9
But nope. So to answer many questions
No W doesn't want them.
Unfortunately I don't care.
Why... because I am there Hero they
Can see am here.

Happy Halloween everyone and remember

One day at a time sending everyone hugs

[OneArt]

Marina:

Would it help if the next time they ask to speak to S10 you just encourage them to give him a call? As siblings, they should be able to speak to him whenever they want. You may have to follow an agreement re times, etc. But the kids should not.

You have to remember that you cannot force people to parent. If she plays games (sending them to others) so the kids aren't together anyway when they go over there, why not just not bring it. She probably won't want to see the others given her mindset.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know how badly I suffered the loss for my children when their dad decided not to be a parent. But you know what, they accepted it long before I did and my inability to accept it just brought them more grief.

Nothing has to be permanent or forever. Sometimes taking things one day at a time is hard enough.

We are all pulling for you.

[marina7]

OneArt ,

Thank you again for taking time to read my story.
Well let's say my sad story.

Well yesterday I get a call from GAL
Saying I know you ask to have s10 for
Halloween. I replied Yes
Gal I spoke with W pick him up till ...
I course teared up. S10 and s9 where in school
So I wanted to surprise them.

I was driving and d10 ask we go to best friend home.
Which my kids call her auntie. I said yes.
S9 this ain't the way.
M I know I am lost lol
D10 was little down. And sad
S9 whispering to d10
D10 this is mom store W goes there with OW.
Yes I pick s10 close to W house.

They both said mommy. I said yes we going
Have s10 for Halloween. They both where jumping and
Screaming. I know your going bring him home oneday

W pulls in s10 jumps out the car. Mommy mommy...
Biggest hug. I just look up and smile. I Whisper TY
W anytime
We drove off singing and excited about Halloween

Then also surprised BF with s10 which bf cried.
Bf hasn't seen s10 in awhile.

Kids had fun. Trick or treat then we had pizza

Time rolled in to take s10 house.
It broke me. All kids went from laughing to
Sad faces. S10 do I have to mommy.
M yes jist for now.
I am trying.

Trio's we know mommy. Thank you
Mommy. S9 this was the best Halloween ever.
Yeah s10 said.

We sing loud until we got to parking lot.

Kids said hello and W went on to ask a
Million question.
Where did you go.
Did you go here person...
Kids said no we went to mommy bf
House .

W looks and says ok as long ya had fun.

So here is the deal W no longer can't get close
To the car or approach me at all. Due ro W
Monstering always especially in front of kids.
W has been giving one last chance
Or pick up and drop off will be at a police station
Inside. I hope this will scare W a little
But I also know is hard for W as she wants to say or
Talk to me.

Again. W put us here. There was a time there was hope
Of reconciliation but it has gone to far. Now we don't talk
At all. And we now have a third party we text if
We need to say something about kids.
No more in contact.

[peacetoday]

Marina

That is good that W Let you take D10
I believe the more you detach and be cordial, and kind but distant and safe
she may let go of S

Im glad you thanked her
let her think she is the hero--The good one

this may cause her to want to give you more-

Maybe with W not allowed to get too close, will create enough distance fromt he situation and she may begin to let go more
especially if she wand OW want to play and go out-

[marina7]

Peacetoday,

I am happy W said yes to GAL that I can
Have s10.

I am just happy I got s10 and trio's where together.

Well nothing much on this end.
Quite over here,

I been in my funk. I been staying away from
Everyone, not sure if it's because is the holiday's
But this really is a crappy feeling.

I don't miss W that I know. Is just sometimes am alone
As I stated I don't go out, am not a drinker. I don't like clubs.
So I am here in a quiet home. But I like quiet sometimes.
Today am just emotional crying and sad.

While W is happy with OW. W picks up our kids like
Nothing. Happy as ever, then monkey brain goes on
Maybe W really is Happy and truly found her new Love
W words her true love. But if it is I am happy for W.

[peacetoday]

Marina,

W has found a temporary way to feel good through her new relationship
its not real and the other side will also appear as time passes
she is in la la land, but yes --you can be happy for her and wish her a happy successful life
send her great energy, forgiveness ect and let go-

I get the quiet home
I like home also
It seems not too exciting, but very peaceful-meditative-my music- kids-family
the things I enjoy are all here so its a win -win

good to be social also..freinds,,dinner movies,,dancing
you will find your way

sometimes days are low days
sometimes not
best to accept all days good and bad
make room to feel it al,l and do what we can to be grateful, positive and hopeful for our future

[Rita]

Any love in that relationship is based on loving the worst part of your W. Think of who the OW is loving! An awful person you would never even date. Y

I totally understand your feelings of hurt, rejection, betrayal. I have them too. All the time.

But I try to remember that the person my H is now, is not actually him. It's some alien who looks like him. Anyone who could love his current awful selfish self would have to be a pretty awful person too. It is just a big stew of lies and misery even if they look outwardly happy -- it's just a high of addiction to the new relationship or the running behaviors. We wouldn't call a drug addict happy even if that addict insisted s/he was!