Gordie, while I don’t have a reconciliation, I have found there is a place beyond the pain. Even 6 weeks ago I would still cry almost every time I took a shower. But not since. I think the tears have dried up. I sometimes feel mad, but it doesn’t last long, or concerned, or amused, but none of these feelings linger. The desire I once had to know everything is gone, and now I think about my own peace and how that trumps the need to comprehend. Even the limbo hasn’t been bothering me. Finally, after two long and painful years, there is nothing more I want to research, no more angles to investigate. Instead I’ve become an explorer in my own life. I think I understand where you are. A couple of times a day I say, as I always have for my deceased father, “I love you H”, then I go about my day.
