With love

[Dawn70]

Thank you so much Dawn! It feels like love (towards oneself first and foremost, and then extending to the outside world) is the answer.

I couldn't agree more. I know it sounds cliché and cheesy, but all those adages about you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else are absolutely true. You can't find happiness and love with someone else if you don't inwardly feel happiness and love with yourself, by yourself, in yourself. At least, that is my opinion. Others may disagree and that is fine. I just know that the people I know who are happiest in life and in love are those that do not rely on others for their source of happiness.

I'm glad it wasn't just me that struggled with this.

It was sort of mixed up with posting/not posting for all sorts of reasons with me as well. I've tried to make sure that I was posting only from a place of positivity: love, gratitude, joy...

Oh honey, I struggled with all sorts of stuff mightily in the beginning. I still occasionally struggle with some things, as I posted just this morning about yesterday being my wedding anniversary (if I were still married). I think of myself as a constant work in progress and honestly, there are occasionally steps backwards, but I think that is just part of life. I still struggle occasionally with should I post something on facebook or should I say something to the girls or whatever, but I ultimately have to do what is right FOR ME and quit worrying about how it will affect everyone else.

Thank you.

I guess it's taken me a long, long time to start feeling these things. I think it's probably a mixture of having felt low about myself, and also that I've got a very 'live and let live' type of attitude to life.

Thank you for replying Dawn, you have given me lots to think about, and lots of threads to connect.

I think we all get to things in our own time, at our own pace. I know I say this all the time on people's threads, but while there may be a loose timeline where the "steps" of divorce and recovery are concerned, I think we all hit those steps at our own pace. Some quicker than others. Like you, I'm a very "live and let live" kind of person, but I struggled with that where my XH was concerned at first because I wasn't seeing any of the hurt in him that he'd caused in me and I didn't like that one bit. It just seemed to me that he trashed our marriage and skipped right on into another one, but I know the reality is likely somewhat different than my skewed perspective. I doubt that they have a perfect marriage, but you know what, I am finally at the point where I can say that, just as a caring human being, I hope that they are happy. Ultimately, their happiness with each other has nothing to do with my happiness. From an outside perspective, you seem to be doing pretty well. You have a lot going for you and that is a good thing. Hang in there!