13 years and two small children

[Hurt213]

Update:

Thank you so much for your replies to my thread. I was really surprised by how logically your approach seemed when I read it out aloud. I think I have been postponing detaching because I have been going around this the wrong way.. If I just show her, how much I can help out, how great I can be around the house, then she will leave OM and not have any feelings for him and come back.

I now realize, that the 10 year old letters, are in fact 10 years old, and should stay in the past. They won't do any good in the present as it won't be like we are reminiscing about good old times. You hit the nail on the head with the "going through the trash for a document - It really showed me how deep I have been in trying to hold on instead of letting go and moving on. That is definitely not who I am and not the values I hold deer and want to project on to my kids and the ones I hold dear in my life.

I told her that the real estate broker is coming this sunday, however I am not going to be helping out with her list of things shat she thinks needs done before he gets here.

According to Sandi rules, I should show that I am content, happy and moving forward - I should be nice and friendly - however I am having a real hard time figuring out where the "border" between detaching from our old life and showing her that I don't really care but still act friendly and nice. - You talk about throwing her out of the bedroom (we are taking turns sleeping in the bedroom of the youngest child - should I tell her to move there permanently, and is that not going against sandi's rule about being cordial and not arguing, being happy and content?

What about daily life? today we have gymnastics (don't know if that is the right word for it in english) with the little ones, and she wants to come, do I tell her, yes sure, lets go play family? or do I just tell her, we don't do this anymore? I am having a hard time finding the balance in this 180.. How much "family" do I play with her?

She apparently found my letter this morning when she packed the bags for work (yea she insists on packing my lunchbox still - should I just tell her; no thank you?" She asked if the letter was for her? (it was in an envelope with her name on it) - She seemed genuinely happy and interested in it, however I told her no it wasn't. She then responded "well, it has my name on it..." and then left it with that comment - should I just destroy the letter ? (the one that informs her, of the fact that I am moving on now with the kids because she is so infatuated and out of reach that we are not compatible at this point).

Tonight she will be going to OM again, and whenever she does, she becomes real distant and cold in the hours before leaving. Yesterday she wasn't going anywhere, and I had a late meeting a work, when I came home she had kept food warm for me in the oven, and sat down to eat with me.. I am so confused to this behavior. I just thanked her for making me dinner, and then ate and headed out to the gym.

I am confused