Thanks everyone. Y'all are extremely helpful. We had a nice dinner the other night at which point I told her she is troubled and I made a vow to support her and will continue as long as I need to. She squeezed my hand tighter than I have ever felt that night in bed. It is painful though. I came home tonight and got yelled at for asking if her 7pm coffee was decaf or regular. 10 minutes later we were talking and joking and having wine on the back porch. I have reserved myself to accept the ups and downs and realize the negative comments are the demons talking, not my gentle, caring and golden-hearted wife. During the initial phases all I had was hope. People thought I was crazy because I focused on small things she said and knew her actions were not equal to her words. I stuck through it, we came back together (through whatever pretenses those were). We still share a bed and wear our wedding rings. I thought for sure she would have removed hers at this point, as she removed it early on. She uses distancing words when discussing divorce or being on her own and these things give me hope. The EA is now over, I have spoken with his family (they are family friends). I am close with her family too and talk with them frequently, as they are very concerned about her. I know focusing on the small things can end up hurting me but they do give me strength to pull through. Meanwhile, I am caring for myself. I've hit the gym 5 days per week since August and lost 25 lbs. I am a physician and get hit on by 2-3 nurses per day. Not going to act on that but it boosts my morale. I've started listening to positive podcasts and music. Most importantly I engulf myself in my children when I'm home and have an excellent network of supportive friends and family. I've peeled back with the lovey dovey stuff and wait for her actions. We're both caring for ourselves and its helping us grow as a family. The kids have never been happier.
