I didn't read that story. It would be great if I could. Do you know how I could find it? I'm afraid I haven't quite mastered the ins and outs of this site yet. My H and I were past the bar stage by the time we had kids but we used to go out to dinner a few times a week...watch hockey games together on the tv...get together with friends to play poker, go to martial arts classes three times a week, etc... all of that pretty much came to a screeching halt when the twins were born. Part of it was that we were exhausted but it was also a finances thing once the kids were in daycare and we were paying as much or more than most people we knew were paying for mortgages. It was a big hit. One thing that happened that my H has NEVER forgiven me for is that I went into a bit of a new-mom panic and started worrying our house [his childhood home] wasn't big enough. We ended up selling it and buying a bigger one about five minutes away [more debt] and at the time, I thought he was in agreement. However, his recollection is that it was all my idea and he had no say and that he did not want to sell. That was nine years ago and we now own a dream home free and clear because of the sale of our second home and it is STILL on his top three list of things I've done he resents me for. He was super enthusiastic (did not hesitate to say "yes" and that he was sick of living in the city) about selling the second time and moving to a new community but I would not be surprised if five years down the road, he remembers that as being something he was forced into doing and something else to be mad at me for.
I think you may be right about the feeling abandoned part. Another thing on his top three list is when I briefly entertained the idea of being a surrogate for my twin sister who was unable to have kids because of cancer treatments. Because I am her identical twin, I got the idea that it would be just like her having her own kids and got quite excited about the idea. When I told my H, regrettably, I may have been too enthusiastic and he got quite upset with me. I had expected him to be supportive so it threw me when he was the opposite. He even wanted to go to counselling because of it. I told him I didn't think we needed counselling and that maybe he did. In hindsight, that was the exact wrong thing to do and I figured that out down the road but in the end, I decided not to do it so I thought it was a non-issue. WRONG. Six years later, it was the second thing (after the selling of his childhood home) that he brought up to the MC we saw one time. If you asked him today, he would tell you that he is STILL upset about it.
I find it interesting that so many men struggle with becoming parents. I think as women, when we carry our kids for nine months and our bodies change so much, we become acutely aware that life is going to be different. It's almost like we use the time spent being pregnant to adjust to it and come to terms with the fact that our lives are about to change. Men don't really have that experience. They see their wife is getting bigger and anticipate the birth but their lives are barely impacted as they can continue to do what they have always done. I'm not sure my H was really prepared and having twins made it even harder as I counted on him a lot more than I might have with one baby. Anyway... points to ponder...
It is 4:40 where I am so I think 12:40 a.m. where you are? Hope you have a great sleep and lots of fun with your daughters when you see them next. (((HUGS)))
