Trying to keep the faith

[FlySolo]

Hi DejaV -

I agree that he tells me so I know he isn't with her. Not sure why either. His mum telling me he showed her a picture of OW on his phone threw me for a bit. Photos are a very couply thing to do. I don't know the context of the photo so (probably) may be reading too much into it.

I called the kids earlier and it was kind of weird talking to the them and then not speaking to him after. Normally it is him calling the girls. I would get so disappointed every time he would hang up without speaking to me. I am use to it now. I didn't not talk to him because I wanted to show him how it felt. I just think it would be weird.

Hi - how was your day.
Good thanks, how was yours
Ok ... well bye.

I could hear him in the background giving D8 the answers to the questions I was asking.

We spent a lot of time together prior to our kids and after, it was with our kids or barely ever. That, of course, took its toll on our relationship and I was aware of it, on some level.

I had no interest standing in bars or dancing in clubs until the early hours (what we use to do together) once the children were born. They were, and still are, my everything. I use to think he was selfish because his life didn't change as much as mine. He probably felt I abandoned him during those early years, so went out more, which in turn made me resentful . Maybe I could have paid him more attention. We (H and I) both made bad choices.

Apparently he saw it as marrying the wrong person or falling out of love, etc... and he became angry and resentful and started to detach to the point that he says he has "pressed pause on [his] heart". How one does that, I have no idea. Not sure I am capable.

Did you read the story about the WAW spouse putting her heart in a box (it is in R2C's quotes thread and I think it was SmartCookie who posted it). It fits some WAH's as well. The causes are different (I suspect for some men its that feeling of being abandoned by their W once the kids arrive) but the symptoms are the same.