Man that must have been difficult but you made it through it. Trust me that is the worst part of the entire process. My daughter does that sometimes too. She will cry and say she doesn't know why she is crying. She hasn't done it in awhile so I think she is adjusting better.
You wrote: I need to keep stamping out the inner fears and the dark thoughts.
Do you want to give details to what they are? I had those too and about 95% of them don't come true.
LH19,
Sure, I dont want W to be in another R, I don't want W to be in another MR, I dont want to share my kids with any OM. I dont want my kids to call another man Daddy. What if I die, wouldn't that happen? I want to go ballistic on OM and W. I want W to climb into a hole and rot, I don't want her to do better than me in life, I want her to fail, she doesn't want to be in this family so she is an enemy of this family, etc, etc, etc. These are the PG versions of some of these thoughts and fears. I get to thinking and before you know it I get tunnel vision and my mind gets fixated on a bad thought or fear and it goes round and round until I mentally step back and go whoa, stop, this can't happen this is just a fantasy. IC says it's a negative coping mechanism for being hurt. Something I am working on fixing. Meditation has helped with this a lot. The bad thoughts and fears happen less frequently since BD. Someday I hope they go away completely.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
