Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

My default position is obviously "Hell No." It was "Hell no" when W begged me to come back and i established the ground rules for me doing so, and we have not directly addressed the question since except for one MC session where we discussed it briefly and i think i said something like "I don't see how you could think that that would be anything other than really awkward, at best, and extremely hurtful at worst", though i did allow that if W was going to continue friendship with her bff (and i have no control over who her friends are-- she's a big girl and needs to make those decisions on her own, though granted i will let her know how i feel) that we were going to have to figure out "what that looked like" and how we would reconcile that with our own newfound and healing relationship.

My feelings on that vis-a-vis these two other individuals (both who betrayed my best friend and one who helped lead my wife astray) has not changed. I have "forgiven" them in the Christian sense and they have no more hold on my life. But neither do i have any desire whatsoever to socialize with nor to pretend that i approve of their lifestyle or what they did. Opinions in my "circle" regarding our frat brother and former friend range from cautiously cordial to tolerant to "he ought to have his guts stomped out." He has wisely not shown his face around any of our gatherings since all of this went down, though a couple of my friends (luckily(?) a couple of the more tolerant ones) have run into them and been gracious and cordial.

My feelings WRT my W have obviously changed over the past few months. I now believe she is "all in" on our marriage, and, while i still bear an amount of pain over the ordeal, i trust her. I also want our relationship to continue to grow, an i don't want the past to be an impediment to that. Not to "forget" it, mind you, because i think we should always remember, but to get past it. W seems to think this is part of "getting past it." IDK... it's somewhat puzzling/frustrating. In every way except this one (wanting to see her bff and keeping that person in her life) she has moved past her wayward lifestyle and put it behind her and has shown no signs of being at all interested in going back. Granted that her friendship with bff predates by a looooong period of time the wayward period they shared, but, still.

Part of me is whispering i should give this one shot. As more people "forgive" these two, and as my friend's relationship with our former friend's now ex-wife (they swapped spouses-- and both of the jilted parties "traded up", WAY up, IMO) becomes more established and happy, it is increasingly likely that i will encounter these two socially at some point anyway. I have already had brief encounters with W's bff when W 1) went to dinner with her and 2) wanted to stop to drop off some of her belongings over the past couple of months, and we have been civil to each other (her actually more than civil-- very nice, chatty, but whatever) but none with her AP-- and he's the real sticking point. He was always a fun enough guy to hang with, but i never really liked him that much, and certainly never "trusted" him as i do all of my close friends.

Ugh. Really hoped she would distance herself more when bff moved out of state. Damn the internet age.