i know the love i had for her is still within me and that hurts given where our sitch is.
I know it seems like forever but you're not even a year past BD and that's not enough time for you to be over her. You'll get there, but it's going to take many months yet. And I'm not saying you will get to the point that you never think about her again, but you'll be able to remember her and even be around her without pain and sorrow.
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bigger thought the last few days is that i feel myself giving up on women/relationships. i've talked about this in the past. it's not a anger based sentiment to be clear, just more of a continued assessment of who i am, much that i've read, the 80% divorces filed by women and my soon to be twice D'd status. in one of Sandi's recent posts she says "The problem with a soft hearted, tender natured guy is that she is going to take his b@lls away." now i know i didn't try to do all of the NGS stuff, but soft hearted, tender natured guy...yep that's me. bottom line the more i reflect on women/relationships, the more i feel like i'm not cut out to be with a lady long term.
I remember having those thoughts too. I bet it'll pass, LOL! Your W isn't the only woman in the world for you, far from it. And hard as it may be to believe, she probably was not even the best woman for you. And you can be soft-hearted and tender-natured without surrendering your testicles. I think one of the benefits of having gone through this is we can go into the next relationship with a whole new set of relationship tools thanks to DB'ing. I've been dating my GF for over 3 years now and have continued my DB practices with her. I don't aggressively pursue her, I give her time and space when she needs it, I listen and validate. When she texts, sometimes I reply right away, sometimes an hour later and sometimes not at all. Sound familiar? Heh heh! Here's the thing, it works. She gushes about how attractive she finds me. I'm not Brad Pitt I assure you, and she is a hottie!
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i don't feel at all like i'm what they want or even if i tried to be the way they want, i'd slip up/get lazy and they'd bolt.
Well, I think "lazy" is how a lot of us ended up here. Or maybe "complacent" is a better word. But the thing is, a good relationship takes constant work and nurturing. It's like planting flowers in your garden, the work isn't over after they're planted. Leave them alone and ignore them and they will eventually wither and die. Take care of them a year or even 10 years and then ignore them and same thing. The only way to keep them alive and beautiful is consistent care over a long period of time.
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i know time will change things, life will bring new chapters to me and i know from much of Stander's and ACC's comments, there's a possible better life waiting ahead.
Yes! There is! There's pain between here and there unfortunately. So let the pain happen, and just try to keep moving forward!
There's pain between here and there unfortunately. So let the pain happen, and just try to keep moving forward!