Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

Seeking input.

For those who followed my sitch, you are familiar with the dynamic with W's and my respective bffs, my W's bff's role in my W's affair, and the sitch with their (our respective bff's, who WERE married to each other) marriage. If you're not, I'll try to thumbnail, but it is ridiculously convoluted/complicated/incestuous, so better off prolly if you review my threads (if you are interested-- but largely i am seeking input from those already familiar with my sitch-- i just can't expect someone new to go back and digest all of that.)

AAR, thumbnail: Our respective bffs met through us and were married to each other. My bff is friend/fraternity brother from college, and W's bff is likewise a college friend, though a couple of years younger. W's bff cheated on my friend during engagement, and then again shortly after marriage (same partner). They "worked it out" and went on to have 3 kids. Shortly before my own W's affair, her bff started an affair with another of my college friends (another one of my frat bros) who at the time my own friend considered to be his "best friend." Before my friend found out about this, he got BD from his W, who embarked on a several month GGW/WW spree with my own W, the centerpiece of which for my W was an A with a close friend of mine who had also become friends with my W's bff. W's bff supposedly broke it off with her AP a few weeks before my own friend found out... from our mutual friend who invited him down for a weekend, announced he had had an A with my friend's W, and basically taunted him for being a bad H. (Dude is pretty much an A-hole... not someone i had ever myself considered a close friend even as my own good friend had become pretty close with him.) Some time thereafter, my friends W resumed (if she had ever stopped it) her A with same guy. Went through the motions of "trying to figure them out" but my friend never put his foot down or set good boundaries and she basically ran over him until the very end of the D proceedings. They are now D'd and, while not living together (she has the two girls with the oldest away at college) W's bff and AP live in the same neighborhood and are actively a couple. W's bff's role in my W's A is debatable. W says she is a "big girl" and that she didn't do anything she didn't want to do and that bff did not encourage her and even discouraged her from having the A. I have/had some evidence that her bff was not actively encouraging the A and was at least urging W to consider the ramifications but, OTOH, it is clear that in several ways bff was at least complicit-- most egregious example was calling my W from OM's bar, with OM and friends in background, and urging her to come join them (though W does not know i know this.)

Current sitch: W still keeps in touch frequently with bff, though she honored my boundaries i established WRT seeing bff for "girl's weekends:" and such. Now, W tells me bff has invited us down to visit (they live in a beach town.) I have my own thoughts on this but want to hear others. This is a couple where the man, a fraternity brother and at least nominal friend of mine previously, solicited and had an affair with the W of a mutual friend who is my own best friend. And on top of that was a jerk about it. The woman, my W's bff, is a serial cheater and likely participated in and enabled my own W's waywardness and affair. My W is determined to remain friends with this person. My own friend, fwiw, says he doesn't mind if i socialize them.

I am not worried about my W becoming wayward again, and i am reluctant to "condemn" anyone, but even my own religious faith is of the bent that you can "love" other people but you don't necessarily need to let everyone get "close" to you, particularly if they are bad influences. It seems to be a matter of principle.

Do i agree to go? Tell her hell no? Bring it up in MC session?