I've had time to think of a broader timeline of unhappiness.

June 2016 we move out of state.
Denial: stops taking interest in cooking, family activities, pours resources into fixing up new house. Family Notices shed changed but cant place how.

Fall 2016:
Anger: fights break out left and right. They escalate and are frequent. Extremely irritable, mentions feeling stuck and trapped and entertains getting a job.

Spring 2017
Replay: EA begins with family friend. Starts smoking cigarettes and marijuana occasionally.
Jan 2018: says we need to separate and shes out of love with me. We work on things which seem to be getting better by spring. Things are stagnant but we march on with "normalcy"
July 2018: withdrawn from family/friends for months. final bomb is dropped. I dont love you, get out of the house, I'm moving on with the family friend. No chance at fixing it. Family friend is 40 and lives with parents, has no job, does drugs, smoke like a chimney, anti government sovereign citizen. She feels he is her kindred spirit and soul mate, and is ok for children to be around. She is high class, wont even go to grocery store without being dressed up. Family is very upset and nobody can talk any sense into her.

Summer 2018:
Depression: after I move in we have many heavy conversations. She feels like her life has been wasted and shes a failure. Marriage is a failure, kids will be failures. She wanted to be left alone, was secretive with phone and computer, locking bedroom door, etc...still did not want to talk about her problems. I was still the brunt for EVERYTHING. She has 3-4 horrifying, catastrophic breakdowns over the course of the month. Admits she is depressed and has thi gas she needs to work out. Her parents divorced when she was 3 and it took a huge toll on her. Was looking for a job then puts on hold as feelings start to change.

Withdrawal?
August: things are better. We put house on market and reconnect. We go out for meals, sit out by the pool for hours every night talking and laughing. We get closer and closer, occasionally having sex. Still no kissing or "I love you"
She meets with EA and sets up stage to end it.

Sept: goes to family members house for 1 week break. We flirt, text back and forth and she comes back stating she loves me, did soul searching and knows being together is best. Periodically asks if we moved to fast. I state we did it organically with no pressure and can work out kinks in counseling.

Oct: things going well. She has behavioral change, I snoop on phone and find she wants to meet with EA, and they've had a secret meeting spot and met 3-4 times during initial phases. She says loves me, wants it to work but we need to take step back and reevaluate, as I violated her trust. We took vacation together and did well. Later in month, she mentions work again. I stupidly ask if it's for her to be on her own and the lots of hell opened with irrational thoughts. Bankruptcy to get out of debt, struggling in a low paying job to teach herself lesson, focuses talk on negativity.
Next day everything is fine.