"Essentially, I know I shouldn't have texted, but I'm tired of dealing with her bs, and I need her to know that I'm absolutely willing to handle life without her. "
That's not what I heard. What I heard was:
"You hurt me. You are hurting S. I want to control you post D, so I will not allow S to be around OM (and potentially any OM in the future). Unless you want to drop OM, work on the marriage, I am going to push forward with this D as mediation agreement says."
Pressure. Pursuit. Blame. Threats. (I know you claimed you weren't threatening her but it sure sounded like it.)
BM, here is the deal. You need to forget OM. A very big part of your motivation for all this, in my eyes, came from this:
"I'm having a rough morning knowing that you probably had a great night last night, probably with OM, and FB memories reminded me of when you lived in (town) and cheated on me when we were dating."
After that everything else you said was colored by the fact that you were "having a rough morning", were "jealous of her and OM", and that you are still hurt that she "cheated on you when you were dating". Even if your motivations were pure at wanting S3 safe, and secure, it was undermined by this foundation.
Also, you later used S3 to try to manipulate her: " After that, I may move. I don't want to see things that remind me of you anymore. And I don't want S around sketchy people. We can't teach him that lying is wrong if you insist on lying all of the time. If OM is more important to you than I am, fine. If he's more important than S, we have a problem. I'm glad you found a keeper, I hope you two have a really happy and fulfilling life together. But S will NOT be a part of OM's life. Hell, OM said himself he wasn't serious about you when he talked to me, so it's clear you either do not understand R or you can't handle that you put yourself before S's LONG TERM wellbeing. Or maybe you're just toxically codependent and I wasn't able to give you the attention you wanted. Sorry that I couldn't get you to stay home with S and I and have a real relationship. Anyway...I'm done playing by your rules. The D will happen and S and I will be better off without all of the lying, hurt, and manipulation you use against us. And to be 100% clear, I'm not making threats. This is the plan, and I am going to proceed with it. As they say, "them's the breaks". So when S is 16 you can tell him we fought a lot. I can show him the messages from you, and that way he'll get both sides. I wish you had more sense."
WOW.
I am a little surprised BM because for the last few months you seemed like you had done some really good detaching, and moving forward. Though the confronting of OM was a red flag. My guess is that you are hoping the D will "wake her up". You still seem to have way too many expectations.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
