Yikes BM. If your goal was to push her further away, you have likely succeeded. You just confirmed all the bad stuff she may have been thinking about you and set yourself up for a hostile divorce. Perfectly fine if that is really what you want. But there was a lot of anger in your texts which tells me there is also a lot of hurt. Best not to make any big decisions or send any messages when you are feeling that way. I get that you are upset and feeling impatient and that she has all the power so you are trying to take some back. I totally get that. I have felt those feelings myself. I have also felt really strong and positive. This is TRULY a rollercoaster ride we are on.
My advice to you would be to take some more time to reflect on yourself and changes you can make for you and S. Please, please, please try to keep S out of all of this. I know it is really difficult but you have to try as hard as you can - for his sake. Do not force him to pick a side. Kids need both their parents and if you set him up to pick sides (by giving him too much info or arguing in front of him), any time spent with the other parent will cause him all kinds of emotional pain. So please take him out of the equation as much as possible and don't bring him up to your W as a partner in your plan. If you meant to scare her, you probably did. But do you want her to come back because she is scared? No, if you were to reconcile in any real way, it would need to be because you BOTH want to for the right reasons.
Lastly...stop asking about and focusing on OM. Sounds like he is not as big of a focus for her and he is for you. He is not the problem. He is a symptom of the problem. I get that it is hard and I know what kind of feelings it brings up when you play made-up movies in your head [and yes, those are made up by you]. Press "stop" when those come up. You are only torturing yourself needlessly.
If you have decided you are moving on, great. Try to do it with acceptance and love and peace. Your S will be better off and you will ensure you have not closed any doors permanently. Life is long (we hope) and you never know what it has in store.
