So, this past weekend I did a bad thing. I was kind of sick, and just not thinking clearly. S was at his grandparents for the weekend, and so I had way too much free time on my hands (and being sick, GAL wasn't much of an option).
So I texted W.
I know. I'm dumb.
I basically said: "We need to finish the D."
W: Seriously, what possessed you to send me this?
M: I'm having a rough morning knowing that you probably had a great night last night, probably with OM, and FB memories reminded me of when you lived in (town) and cheated on me when we were dating. You said you wanted to redo mediation and would do counseling, but haven't even tried to make that a thing. I don't want to fight, but I felt like you should know that I really hoped you would actually want to fix things. I guess you aren't ready. I'm sorry I gave you my life. It's bothered me all weekend that in our argument last week when I mentioned OM all you could say was "why are you bringing him up". It's because I don't believe you planned to stop seeing him.
W: OM is in (other town) this weekend as far as I know.
M: You said you would never talk to him again, so the fact that you know that seems like you lied to me again.
W: My biggest concern is that I'm still feeling texts like this 9 months later. I left social media so I could have privacy, You tell me I'm acting ridiculous when I'm nervous and anxious around you.
M: You attacked me verbally in my apartment, then when you got outside you made it sound to the neighbors like I attacked you. The owner of the house next door called my landlord. My biggest concern is S. We can tell him we split because of fighting, but we fight more now. And when he gets older, he's going to know what's what. Are you okay with him knowing what you've done? Because one day, he will. He doesn't understand a lot now, and he shouldn't have to. But one day he'll be wise enough to know. I wanted a family, so did S. You took that from both of us. And knowing that I wanted to save us, you played games. So how do you propose we fix this? Are you planning on just staying separated, or did you want to work on things for S?
W: *silence*
M: Once the D is dismissed, I'm selling my old car then refiling. We already have a signed MSA, so we can skip mediation. I can get the decree up front and get it over with. After that, I may move. I don't want to see things that remind me of you anymore. And I don't want S around sketchy people. We can't teach him that lying is wrong if you insist on lying all of the time. If OM is more important to you than I am, fine. If he's more important than S, we have a problem. I'm glad you found a keeper, I hope you two have a really happy and fulfilling life together. But S will NOT be a part of OM's life. Hell, OM said himself he wasn't serious about you when he talked to me, so it's clear you either do not understand R or you can't handle that you put yourself before S's LONG TERM wellbeing. Or maybe you're just toxically codependent and I wasn't able to give you the attention you wanted. Sorry that I couldn't get you to stay home with S and I and have a real relationship. Anyway...I'm done playing by your rules. The D will happen and S and I will be better off without all of the lying, hurt, and manipulation you use against us. And to be 100% clear, I'm not making threats. This is the plan, and I am going to proceed with it. As they say, "them's the breaks". So when S is 16 you can tell him we fought a lot. I can show him the messages from you, and that way he'll get both sides. I wish you had more sense. I'm sorry life isn't what you expected and I'm truly, truly sorry that our love wasn't enough for you to want to cultivate it. And I'm sorry that you didn't feel that S's long term feelings were important enough for you to be honest.
*** And this is the part where she gets quiet until she brings S back to my house...and is polite, and very...almost submissive...? It's weird. It's like a bomb went off...
She texted me again later: I'll need $x for the copay for S.
Me: *silence*
W: Does S have a costume? What's your plan for halloween?
Me: *silence*
W: Hey! Apparently S has an appt in (other town) tomorrow, I'm off work, so I can take him but I NEED help with the copay. Please respond. I'm tired of being ignored when I tell you I need help with his medical or childcare.
Me: *silence*
See, the thing is that I have custody, and she doesn't help really. She's paying the day care because since she derailed the D, I can't get child support set up.
And I don't ask her for anything.
I can't get off work tomorrow, nor can I afford to miss anyway. So I may let her take him, but our agreement is that I'll pay half of the stuff that insurance doesn't cover (I'm paying for his insurance).
Essentially, I know I shouldn't have texted, but I'm tired of dealing with her bs, and I need her to know that I'm absolutely willing to handle life without her.
