Determined now as I move forward..

[Dtrmned]

PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK ON THIS!!

Sandi, Steve, everyone. PLEASE...

All of you know my situation. Difficult as any on this board. No better, no worse.

First. I had a good weekend. Spent a lot of time with my kids and enjoyed all of it!

W is still in the home. She was out of it most of the weekend sleeping most of the entire day both Saturday and Sunday.
She has secured a new place and is slowly moving stuff over there. We are still living in the same house due to our daughter's therapy with is 2-3 weeks long and meets or lets out at the same time our son's school does so it takes both of us to get them around. If not for that, she would be gone now. I would rather my daughter be better and have my W gone than to deal with this. Things almost really blew up to full blown Attorney's last week. My A is really good and actually calmed me down. We should have a mediator scheduled this week or next and my goal is to have a signed plan in place prior to my daughter's completion and reintegration back to school. This is going to be difficult enough for her anyway.

I am concerned for my children as my W has chosen to live 30 minutes away from their school. She admittedly can't drive at night, and with the time change and shorter days this is going to become increasingly difficult. She can't change their school districts (I checked) and the one she chose to live within is drastically worse than the one they are in (the best in our area by far). Other concern I found out is that her place does not allow pets. We have 2 dogs that our kids absolutely love. One of which has slept with our daughter for the last 6 years. I know they will "cope". I just hate to see that much more of their world come apart.

Now you are all caught up.

First comments:

1- I am letting all of this go. She did a long time ago, it just took me forever to hear it and then a lot longer to actually see it and believe it. Don't get me wrong. This is not easy in the least.

2- I have moved from mourning the loss of my marriage (still happens) to mostly the realization that I will miss my kids so much. The little things. The laughter, the drama, dinners, breakfasts, just having them come sit beside me and watch tv for a little while. Yes they are growing up and more independent and don't need me as much. I just love them. Always will. They will get a little "bump" of excitement with their new move and I hope they enjoy the adventures they will be having that come to them.

3- W is still in her fantasy fog. I believe she has done enough financial moves to last her for at least a year (totally dependent on her spending habits which I fear will increase initially as she is getting her new place laid out). I am not being morbid or mean, but unless she is just waiting for one of her parents to pass so she can inherit something. This will all be chewed up very quickly.


now Questions:

I wish i could say I didn't love my wife. I do and am resigned that i probably always will. I guess the BIG question I have is that based on our history and what has happened. Is there a decent chance that after D that we could get back together? Asking only since I had a dream on Saturday. Vivid dream of me and my wife. I don't know the time period, but we were divorced and it was some time (a few years) down the road. We were just lying and laughing together and then it got intimate. The physical part was great, but it was the mental part. The conversation and words shared between us that both woke me up with a smile and also scared me to death.

Is this possible? or is this just my mind playing another trick and its a pipe dream?

How do you contemplate this while knowing you are going through a D, your marriage is over, and you are starting a new life?

I know we will have some connection due to the kids, but it really won't be that much considering the ease of communication we have these days to avoid actual face to face interaction.

She has systematically over time parted me out of a different part of her life. Now we are this part. I think it has been easier for her (not diminishing) since she has had the cushion of my support through most of it.

Looking for input here to. Is she totally done with our marriage and moved on? Or, is there a realization (or crash) coming when she is actually not with me? I figure there will be a huge euphoric feeling from her initially being "free" or however she would like to word it. She gets to be empowered by leaving.

Just looking for some help and input from you guys out there.
I am much better. I am astonishingly not bitter for the last week or so as well. I do hate what she is doing to our family and still also believe we are better together than apart, but again I am resigned to the reality and only what I can control.

JS