Wife is not who I married ... Pt6 pls help!

[LoneWlf]

Thank you all for your continued support. All of you have helped me thru this difficult journey.

I wouldn't worry about showing her you are moving forward. People who are truly moving forward don't care who notices, so the fact that you are trying hard to show it actually negates the message you are trying to send.

Rose - thank you for the 2X$4 you are right! - what others think should be irrelevant as long as I feel right about it myself thanks.

HI Lonewlf, it's nice to hear that you were able to present yourself so well at the teacher conferences. I'm sure your wife notices and it must be a good feeling to know that you're being the best version of yourself that you can be. I don't remember the reasons why your wife left you. If she's depressed then perhaps your progress won't impress her because she's still not feeling good about herself. If she found another many then maybe she has both guilt and loyalty to the other man. Otherwise you sound like a great catch and she should try to get you back before it's too late!

Thanks Nic - I make a conscious effort to be presentable. When I was 60 lbs heavier -I really did not take care of myself and did not really care. Now that I have put in the work - I can say I like the new me and dress accordingly. My wife left me because she said I was too controlling and I was unmotivated ( I was working 10 hour shifts with bone spurs in my joints had surgery to get them removed only to have the pain come back. Tried to remedy it with orthotics, braces , boots, my only other option was to fuse the joints which I refused ) I can see that I was in a lot of pain not very pleasant to be around and not helping much around the house. Now I go to the gym or exercise almost every day and and mindful of my actions and words. My W has found interest in this New Age religion fostered by her older sister ( whos been in 7 different relationships since I have been with W) W is fascinated with Reiki - Healing crystals , talking with spirits and the dead, and all that the church looks down on. As I said before if my choice is between God and W. There is no choice. Nic- thank you so much for your kind words.

RR- Thanks for checking in on me. As always you have my back!

Work has been hectic - trying to learn a new job and being asked to implement some new procedures and clean up somethings that are pretty big always keep me busy. S is doing pretty good in that he has not missed a day of school .I had an interaction with W this week where she came over to clean up. I came from work a little late so I had to eat while she started on her own. S pretty much stayed out of her way and she did not initiate any contact. At one point she had asked me to keep her posted as to what S is doing . I replied I will do my part to keep her informed of all pertinent information but she should reach out to him to try to rebuild that relationship. She responded with a really sad expression saying- I don't know what to do but it will have to be like this for now. I validated by saying I can understand that it may be confusing dealing with a teenager just let me know what I can do to help. She said thanks. Other than that the interaction was cordial. No friction - no sparks no R talks.
At church - the homily was about how Jesus helped the blind man to see. In one of the readings it mentioned how He brings the waywards back. This caught my attention because a couple times this week as we say prayers my S would pray. we pray for mom that you protect and guide her and that you open her eyes to see the goodness in family.

After church my sister invited me and s over to her place for dinner. We had a good dinner and on the way home. S says - hey dad with the money I earned over the summer I'd like to upgrade my cpu video card and get a new iphone. I said to him do you know what a new iphone cost? He said I won't get the latest model one that is a couple years old. I said to him in a calm voice- this is your money but you need to look at how to spend it wisely- wasn't it you that told me that you were not interested in the new iphone and that you wanted your family more than the phone- have your priorities changed?. He said - well it doesn't look like I'm going to get my family together. I simply responded by saying there are things in life that we have to accept - it may not have been our choice but we must still accept and do your best to keep going forward. He said I'm going to write mom a letter and give her one more chance. I said to him - as long as you are respectful and not intentionally hurt yourself and others , I will fully support and love you - no matter what! He said thanks Dad!. When we got home he said he wanted to show me how his reflexes have improved with the computer accessory that I recently got him> he asked me to try it- to which I failed horribly. He was at 98% while I was at 16%. spent the rest of the night hanging out and playing with him.

Than you all for your love and prayers! Blessings!