Married 12 years, 2 kids. Wife gave up job to put me through school and had the kids along the way. Things seemed to be going smoothly until this summer. We went on vacation ans upon the return, W tells me she wants to separate and is in love with a family friend. It turns out this was strictly an EA.
I move out, file divorce then move back in to the guest room 2 weeks later. I initially don't know how to handle things then wise up and deflect any attempt to anger me.
We argue like cats and dogs for 2-3 weeks then suddenly start hanging out again. I stated helping more around the house and with the kids. Along comes 3-4 sexual encounters and going out on dates. Then I move back to the bedroom and we completely rekindle, put wedding rings back on and talk about filing a nonsuit for the divorce. It is filed, but just before processing i find she is still talking to the OM. She wanted to meet him in person to say goodbye. This stalls things because I found out by snooping in her phone and she doesn't trust me again.
Reading the common 6 stages of MLC I think she's in between withdrawal and acceptance based on past behaviors.
Here's the current situation.
Taking a "step back" in the relationship to see how it goes. We are both in individual counseling and hope to start couples sessions in the next month. She has been fighting mental illness (depression and/or bipolar) for years, but doesn't want to admit it.
She says marriage and family are the best thing for us but may want to be out on her own. Will not give a simple "yes" when prompted the question if she wants it to work.. She's been a SAHM for 8 years and wants to work so she can contribute. She swears it's not a death sentance for the relationship. When we arrived back together I admittedly smothered her with affection. It may have been too much. Some days are hot and some are cold. There is no sex or kissing currently. We are in the same bed and she has not asked me to leave. I was telling her I love her periodically but have stopped. I have tried peeling back on hand holding and hugging but she still allows it. We still go out on "dates" but little or no affection. She occasionally reverts back to earlier phases but quickly (in a day or two) reverts back to current phase and all seems ok. She has not talked to the OM in over a month. I hope for the best but am planning for the worst.
Some questions:
Would a MLC wife act this way if she knew she dis not want the marriage?
How effective is completely stopping all affection if she still allows it?
Do counselors typically pick up on MLC?
I plan on being supportive for as long as I can. I love her dearly and fear she will spiral out of control if I leave her.
