Gordie 22 eight months after she dropped the D

[Gerda]

Meanwhile, Gordie -- you always talk about just listening. But what does this mean when my H is a writer? I can see that you let your W talk and talk and you just listen. But how do you see that playing out in my situation when these monstering sessions or diatribes of self+wounds are all in writing? (And also they are generally so abusive, combined with the financial abuse side of things, that I need to build a boundary lest I collapse completely.) In fact I have stopped looking at or speaking to my H, and his insanity and hatred plus my ostracism of him is making our household a very toxic place to be. There is no fighting but there is a horrible feeling all the time. I feel that I could speak to him and talk to him again if he leaves. I need space to heal, and talking to him or looking at him here and now is like grinding a salty blade into an open wound. But if he leaves, I think I could do it.

Anyway the point is that I rarely answer his notes so I am not "listening." Actually, I usually spend an hour or two answering his notes, then force myself to wait until that night or the next day to send it, and by that time, almost always I manage to delete it without sending.

But sometimes I wonder about showing I am "listening" to these notes and wonder what you think about that since you are the master of listening. You can use one of the many notes of his that I have posted to tell me what you mean if you do think there is a listening response.

I will not be able to do anything about it now because of what I said above but I would like to think about it for a while and one day maybe I will be able to take your advice.

Maybe this post belongs in my own thread so I guess I will post it there too.