Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[marina7]

Kyh,

Thank you yes I will have to.
With W I need everything in record.

I never thought this will end like this

So s10 with me. Been cuddling

I just simply held him
And said s10 am here. It feels I am far
Or you think I forgot about you.
I am fighting so hard for you.

S10 looks up and smiles
I know mommy.

S10 has the most beautiful smie I remember
Going to hospital when he was 4 months and his smile
Melted my heart. Still does.

I can see in those beautiful eyes he just tired.

I just don't get it. How can a GAL
See he in pain. S9 and d10 are such in a better place
Physically and mentally. S10 looks tired so tired.

W just wants control.
First today W went to my house not at drop off
I called ask where you at.
W I am at your house
M ummm why please bring s10 at drop, hung up

W was told not to get near my car at drop off
No reason to get next to me.
While reading my prayer book. W was staring
At me while faking hug with s9 and d10
W then walks to the front and just staring
I must say is true what they say once they see you
Have truly let go is like they realized
Oh crap M is moving on.

Yes emotionally I have. Yes I have let go of W

My friend R has really showed me your not a bad
Person. R infact is like W was nuts. I always knew you
Are truly a package you love your kids your
Very passionate about who you are and what you stand for.

I know W wants to know if R and I are dating
W brought it up at therapy. Which therapist said
Who cares we here to coparent

I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who
Truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W
Did everything I protected my kids from.

I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.

The tears we cry, financially left me with less
Than 500 dollars with 3 kids then.

I remember telling W we didn't have no where to live.
W said not my problem.
I don't have milk
W not my problem
I have no food
W I don't care call your family


Remember the family I have ran from...

It has truly been hard. I ask myself sometimes
How am I doing it.
And the only answer is

God... he is protecting us 4 he is with me
Holding me and leading me.

I am just letting God do his work.
I know God has his plan. I must not question him
Let him lead me.